Page 14 of The Sole Love

“My God, Lizzy, I cannot believe it. Only a week ago I thought my life had ended without Mr Bingley, and now…”

She removed her gown impatiently and, once in her nightgown, urged Elizabeth to hurry and join her on the bed. Although they had two pretty rooms separated by a door in their uncle’s house, their old ritual of talking together before sleep remained unchanged.

“I think Uncle Gardiner and Mama knew the family in their youth. I had been indifferent to all the gentlemen who asked me to dance. I scarcely looked at them when I wrote their names on my card, and then suddenly Uncle Gardiner approached with Mr Haskett and David.”

“David? Are you already calling him David?”

Jane blushed, not from shame but at the memory of the excitement of their first meeting.

“Yes, yes, it seemed so natural, as though we already knew each other. He bowed, and the moment we looked at each other, something happened. We were charmed.”

“But, my dear, you were also attracted to Mr Bingley. I do not want to spoil your happiness, but perhaps you should be less excited.”

“Oh, you are right and wrong at the same time!” Jane cried with unusual determination. “But it is so different. Mr Bingley…well, that was like a powerful wind from the first moment we saw each other. With Mr Haskett, it is more like a warm, pleasant morning breeze.”

“I hardly recognise you, my dear sister. Such haste in forming an attachment is unusual for you.”

“I know. Perhaps the love I felt for Mr Bingley changed me. Perhaps the happiness I felt in his presence made me wish to feel that way again and taught me not to be so afraid of my own feelings. But this is different. With Mr Bingley, I trembled and constantly wondered whether I was good enough for him. With David Haskett, I am at ease. I feel safe. Near him, I am confident and cheerful. With Mr Bingley, there were fireworks; with David, everything seems natural and joyful.”

“I am only worried that it is too soon to think of a serious attachment.”

“You and Aunt Gardiner have spent months telling me I must meet another man, and now that I have met one, you are not happy.”

“Stop, Jane. You have not found a man. You met a gentleman at a ball, danced with him a few times, and then went outside with him, which made us all rather uneasy.”

“Look who is talking,” Jane exclaimed with her newly recovered good humour. “My very sister who arrived at Netherfield muddy after a long walk and appeared in the breakfast parlour among people she hardly knew.”

Elizabeth sat still, staring at her sister. She could hardly believe what she had heard.

“And? I came alone, the road was muddy, I had refused the carriage, and I was worried about you.”

“I know you better, Elizabeth Bennet. You enjoyed every moment of it, even while those people in the room probably looked at you with contempt. I overheard them discussing your arrival when I was well enough to come downstairs.”

Elizabeth smiled affectionately. Jane was right. She had enjoyed seeing the Bingley sisters, and even Mr Darcy, look at her as though she were some wild creature unfit for their parlour.

“Did it bother you?”

“No!” Jane said, then hesitated. “Well, a little,” she admitted with a smile. “Only because I wanted all of us to appear perfect in their eyes.”

Elizabeth rose and went to the window, avoiding Jane’s gaze. Her muddy petticoat had hardly been the true cause of the Bingley sisters’ dislike.

“Do not be angry with me,” Jane murmured, seeing the sudden change in her sister.

“I am not!” Elizabeth exclaimed, and it was true. If a shadow had crossed her face, it had nothing to do with Jane.

She said nothing more, however. She kissed her sister and went to her own room.

She needed to be alone. She had intended to speak to Jane about Mr Darcy, but that would have required her to reveal the proposal at the Parsonage, and she felt her sister was not yet ready for such a confession. Nor, however much she tried to dismiss the concern, was she entirely comfortable with Jane’s sudden feelings for Mr Haskett. They seemed to have appeared too quickly and almost from nowhere.

She needed to talk to someone. The only person in that house, perhaps the only person in the world at that moment, with whom she could speak freely was her aunt.

Once in bed, she fell asleep within minutes. The day and most of the night had been filled with strange events that could not be understood in a few hurried reflections. Sleep offered the only escape from them.

Chapter 7

A late breakfast awaited them the following morning, and when Mr Gardiner joined the family, they immediately saw he was in excellent spirits.

“I want to thank you, ladies, for being the most attractive company at the ball last evening. It was an honour to accompany you. And that is not all. I made some valuable connexions that may help us all. Me in my business and you…”