Page 30 of The Beta Test

“What was what?” I work the combination, then open my locker to grab everything I need for homework tonight. The hallway is loud as students bang their lockers closed around us and hustle outside. End-of-day noise always has a lighter edge to it, probably because everyone gets to leave.

“That crazy debate club spiel about banning devices on campus?”

I shrug. “Maybe it would be for the best.”

“You can’t really believe that. You love technology—it helps keep your life organized. And would you really want to end Connection Services?”

My locker slams shut and I snap the lock back into place with a decisive click. “Why is everyone so attached to it? What good has it done anyone? We’d all be better off if it had never started in the first place.”

“Alright,” Jake says, palms raised, and takes a step back. “I can see this is a touchy subject, and I have no idea why. But we don’t need to talk about it right now. I’ll see you tonight?”

I nod and sling my backpack on, already turning away. My skirt twirls as I head for the parking lot. So ready for this day to be over.

Later that night, Jake comes bearing very acceptable snacks: peanut M&Ms and candied cashews. He claims they are healthy because of the nuts in each of them, and he rolls his eyes when I point out that peanuts are actually legumes, not nuts.

We are sitting on my bed with our backs against the headboard, legs outstretched with calculus books on our laps. The window is open and a cool breeze flows through the room. It doesn’t escape my notice that he’s using the mechanical pencil I gave him for his birthday, but I don’t comment despite noticing it does write quite smoothly. Maybe I should buy one for myself.

If there had been any doubt about Jake’s talent for tutoring, it got blown to smithereens. Once again, calculus seems clear, and even fun, when doing it with him.

“Thanks for the help again, Jake. I’m sure the next test will go better for me.”

Jake bumps his leg against mine teasingly. “But then we wouldn’t need to do snack and homework nights anymore.”

I smile in return. “Even if I get 100% on the next test, I can pretty much guarantee I’ll still need you after that. I think I may have overestimated my abilities when I signed up for calculus.”

“And yet you want to go to MIT?”

“That’s the plan.” The vision board is still displayed prominently on my desk.

“Because you want to go there or because Braden’s there?”

I throw a handful of candied cashews in my mouth and chomp fiercely. It always makes me feel a little angry when people question the vision board. It’s on there! It’s obvious! I’ve thought about it and I’m not changing my mind. People shouldn’t ask stupid questions.

“Because I want to.”

Jake pops an eyebrow skeptically and grabs a handful of the cashews as well. “And what will you major in?”

“Computer Science and Engineering.”

“Like Braden?”

“Mmhmm.”

“You do realize you’ll have to take classes like multivariable calculus and linear algebra, right?”

I huff indignantly. “I’ve looked at the course catalog online. Extensively.”

For a few moments, the only sound in the room is the crunch of the cashews between our teeth. As I’m considering how to politely kick him out of my house, he speaks again.

“Have you heard from Braden lately? You used to talk about him all the time, and I don’t feel like I hear much about him these days.”

My mind immediately jumps to how I can spin this to make it sound like Braden and I chat all the time and that I know exactly what’s going on in his life, but I’m exhausted. Tired. It’s been months of barely hearing from him at all. Why should I care if Jake knows that? After Analiese blabs my truth to someone, it might end up all over school anyway.

“Nope. He’s been mostly radio silent. Doesn’t call. Doesn’t text. I’ve basically been ghosted.”

Jake snaps his head towards me and studies my face. “Whoa. After all the years you two have been close? That’s cold. Real cold.”

It’s amazing how validating it feels to hear that from someone else, especially a guy.