Page 78 of Dark Surrender

“No.” I chuckle and swat the air to keep him from looking. “You perv. I haven’t.”

“If you ever wanna try it, I am more than happy to do that.” He bounces those dark brows of his suggestively, and sure, it’s cute, but I’m not going there.

“That’s not why I’m telling you this,” I explain.

“I get that. But you should know I can get you off anytime you want. Just sit on my face. I won’t even have to touch you with my hands if you don’t want me to.”

My cheeks burn with the heat of a thousand suns. “Stop it.” I swat at him again, look away, and laugh. This is not the conversation I planned to ever have in the parking lot of an antique store in the middle of nowhere.

“Fine. I’ll stop. But remember this conversation, Iris. ‘Cause I won’t be able to stop thinkin’ about it. Now, tuck your legs into the car so we can get the hell outta here before I do somethin’ stupid.”

Following his orders, so we both don’t end up doing something stupid, I buckle up, and Dark shuts my door gently, with far too much care, as he stares at me through the window, making direct eye contact for a second too long. A second that has my stomach churning and these weird fluttery sensations battering my insides.

Then he’s gone. Marching around my truck and getting in, we’re back on the road in less than a minute. Classic rock music fills the awkward silence as I stare out the side window, lost in a flurry of unfamiliar emotions.

Apart from Dee and the men I was playing so she could kill them, I’ve never told anyone else I’m a virgin before. Not that it matters. It’s just a fact. Nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve never touched a dick. Sure, I’ve seen plenty and had a few shoved into my hand or in my face. That comes with the territory of the jobs I’ve done. But I’ve never intentionally done anything with a cock. I never played with one or sucked one. I’ve never been touched down below either. Not that men haven’t tried. They’re men. That’s what they do. Push boundaries and have a hard time taking a no for what it is—a complete sentence. Sure, I’ve had men whine and beg. The one time I was almost raped, I killed him before Dee got the chance.

Dad never explicitly told us not to have sex, just not to trust men. His advice was sound. Which is why I’m a thirty-year-old virgin with no plans of changing that anytime soon, no matter what the man next to me has me feeling. I’ve been turned on plenty of times in my life. But I’m also smart enough to get myself out of situations before they go too far.

The longer we’re in the car together, driving back to my house, the more aware of Dark I become. I shift in my seat as I watch him drum the beat of the song on the steering wheel. His jaw is clenched, eyes forced ahead as he drives, rigid as a board, as if all his muscles, especially those in his forearms, are made of granite.

I want to ask if he’s thinking about our conversation, but I’m sure that he is. I can’t stop thinking about it either. Being next to him, locked in this moving box, makes it worse.

I rub my hands across the tops of my thighs to give them something to do.

Dark blows out a loud breath, and for half a second, he squeezes his eyes shut like he’s in pain.

When we arrive home, I don’t wait for him to let me out of the truck. I throw open the door and gulp the fresh air. My legs are oddly weak when I force myself to stand and go inside, but I leave the front door open in case Dark wants to join me. The sudden roar of his motorcycle firing says it all—he needs space. Which I get. I don’t know what is going on between us. Or what’s going on with me. But maybe I need space too? Then again, if that’s the case, then why am I sad he’s leaving without saying goodbye? Again.

Slumping against the wall in my living room, I slide all the way down it until my butt hits the ground and my legs stretch out in front of me. Potted plants hug either side of my hips as I tip my head back, close my eyes, and sigh.

I wish I could call my sister to talk to her about this, but she wouldn’t understand. She’s the last person to be attracted to men. Or to share her real feelings with me.

Maybe I could talk to Cell or Kali.

No. Not Kali. Dark’s her ex-husband. There’s history there.

I guess that leaves… me.

Funny how that works, huh?

Sometimes you’re your only sounding board.

The only person you can truly count on.

Sure, it’s lonely, but I’m used to it.

Tomorrow will be a new day. A better one. A less confusing one. I’ll have new furniture in my new home, and I can officially start a new chapter in my life.

A single tear trickles down the side of my nose.

Yeah.

A new day.

Alone.

CHAPTER THIRTY