Page 49 of Dark Surrender

Sitting on the edge of her mattress, my sister looks up at me with tired eyes. Not anger or fear, just bone-deep exhaustion.

I get it.

It’s been a long, emotionally messy week.

But we’re here now…in an air-conditioned house that’s far nicer than anything we’ve lived in, apart from my latest apartment, which I’ll have to return to at some point to pick up my plants. That won’t go over well with Dee when I have to make a pit stop in our former life to tie up loose ends. Sure, I’m gonna stay here to support her and see what this place has to offer. If Cell gives it a ringing endorsement, then I have to trust this is a solid place to lay our heads. After meeting Sola and Mia, I’m confident I made the right choice for Dee. Even if she doesn’t think so yet.

“Why don’t you shower first? I’m gonna get my bedroom set up. Then we’ll find a place for the opossums before they bring us dinner.”

All out of fight, Dee nods, gets up, and we go our separate ways. My new bedroom has olive-green walls and a solid cream comforter. Dark, moody floral art hangs in a collection on one wall, while another features a black dresser with a flatscreen television on top.

As the shower turns on, I collapse onto the bed, rip my wig off, and sprawl out like a starfish while I smile up at the ceiling fan that blurs at high speed. The toggle, a green glass orb, does a little swivel dance on the end of its chain.

To think this could be where Dee settles down, eases something inside me, giving me a sense of peace I’ve never felt before. To have my sister accepted by people other than me. People who understand her and treat her well. People who don’t want to use and abuse her.

It’s a far cry from where we started.

Change isn’t always a bad thing.

It can be transformative.

Let’s hope I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Dark

Stepping out of the upstairs shower at Kali’s, I dry off with the black towel she left for me and step onto the cotton rug that squishes under my toes. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I stare at myself in the mirror for the first time since… ya know, getting cut up from the floor up. Alright. Not the floor. Think mid-thigh up. At least she skipped over the family jewels. The boys and their flaccid bestie are hangin’ just fine, uninjured.

Wish I could say the rest of me is faring just as well.

When Kali said it looks like Freddy Krueger paid me a visit, she was right on the money.

Fuck. It’s one thing to look down and see the wall of stitches. It’s another thing to have it reflect back at you in the mirror. Even after the wounds finish healing, what happened at the cabin will forever be with me on the outside as well as in.

Resting my hands on the counter, I lean in to look at my face.

I haven’t shaved in weeks and am starting to look like a homeless man. Not that there’s anything wrong with homeless men. It’s a turn of phrase. I’m not that big of a prick.

For almost a week now, I’ve been living in my son’s old room. This is the first time I’ve ever stayed here. Kali got the place after I didn’t return from a run like I was supposed to, given I’d knocked Abby up and she was pregnant with Lily. Doing right by ‘em both was impossible. I made my choice. That was a long fuckin’ time ago, and I’ve learned a lot since.

Do I regret the choice?

I used to.

But Kali’s happier now than she ever was with me. She won’t say it, but our relationship wasn’t like the one she has with my dad. Trust me, that’s not an easy pill to swallow, much less admit to you, and I would never say that shit to her.

It’s wild how time passes, ain’t it?

To think I have two grown sons and a ten-year-old daughter.

You blink, and life keeps goin’ whether you want it to or not.

Now I’m this old fuck, with gray just startin’ to show at my temples and in my beard. There are wrinkles around my eyes and laugh lines when I smile.

“What are you doin’ with your life?” I ask my reflection.

He says fuck all back.