Page 45 of Love At Close Range

“No,” I admitted softly. “He didn’t.”

Rhyse slid off the stool and backed away from the island. He wiped at his face quickly before any tears could fall, but they fell anyway. “So all this time I’ve been thinking my daddy ain’t give a fuck about me and he ain’t even know I was here?” He cried.

“Watch your mouth,” I said automatically, but there wasn’t much force behind it.

Rhyse shook his head hard as his tears kept falling. “That’s messed up, Mama.”

“I know, baby and I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“No, you don’t,” he argued as he wiped his face again. “Everybody got a daddy. Uncle Q be doing stuff with me, but he ain’t my daddy. When people ask me where mine was, I always said I ain’t got one because he ain’t want me.” His voice cracked on the last few words, and it damn near broke me. “And now you telling me he was here this whole time and ain’t even know?”

I moved toward him, but he took another step back. That hurt, but I let him have the space because he had every right to be upset. Lennox had been quiet, but when Rhyse looked toward him again, I saw something in his face shift. All the anger Lennox had carried since finding out about Rhyse wasn’t there anymore. He just looked hurt.

“I’m sorry, man. I swear I am,” Lennox said as he pushed away from the island. He didn’t walk toward Rhyse, though. He stayed where he was. “I know me saying I didn’t know doesn’t give you them years back, and it damn sure doesn’t erase every time you thought I knew about you and didn’t care.”

“But you ain’t do nothing.” Rhyse sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“I didn’t,” Lennox agreed. “But I am sorry you had to feel like that. You should’ve never had to think your father didn’t want you,” Lennox countered sympathetically.

“Would you have wanted me if you knew?” Rhyse asked through his tears.

Lennox’s jaw tightened, and for the first time since the conversation started, he looked like he was having trouble keeping his emotions together. “Man, I would’ve been there the second I knew about you,” Lennox choked out.

“How I know that?” Rhyse asked.

“You don’t,” Lennox answered honestly. “Not yet… all you got right now is my word, and I know that probably don’t mean shit because you just met me. So I’m not gonna keep telling you what I would’ve done. I’m gonna show you what I’m gonna do.”

Rhyse lowered his eyes and stood there quietly… listening.

Lennox took a breath before continuing. “You can be mad at me… your mama… the whole situation. You can ask whatever you wanna ask, but there’s one thing I’on want you thinking anymore,” Lennox stated.

“What’s that?” Rhyse mumbled.

“That you weren’t wanted,” Lennox told him. “Don’t carry that shit another day because it ain’t true. I didn’t leave you. I didn’t decide I didn’t want you. I just didn’t know you existed. There’s a big difference.”

Rhyse’s bottom lip trembled before he pressed his lips together. “So you want me now?”

Lennox looked almost offended by the question, but the emotion in his eyes kept his response soft. “I wanted you the second I saw you.”

Rhyse dropped his head again, and this time he didn’t wipe the tears away fast enough to hide them. I wanted to grab him and hold him, but I knew my son. He was trying to work through his emotions all at once and smothering him wouldn’t make it easier.

“I’m sorry, Boosie,” I told him. “I’m sorry you spent all these years believing something that wasn’t true. I didn’t know it wasn’t true either, but I’m still sorry you had to carry that.”

“You really thought he knew?” He asked, finally looking at me.

“I did,” I answered. “I thought he knew, and I was angry with him for it. I would’ve never kept you from your father if I knew he wanted to be here,” I answered honestly.

He looked between Lennox and me again before rubbing both hands down his face. “This is a lot.” Rhyse stood there another few seconds before looking at Lennox. “So do I call you Dad now?”

“You can call me whatever makes you feel comfortable,” Lennox assured him.

He looked down at the floor before asking, “You leaving after today?”

“No,” Lennox answered. “I gotta go home eventually because I’on live here, but if you asking if I’m disappearing out your life… the answer is no.”

“You promise?” Rhyse asked innocently.

“You got my word,” Lennox responded.