Page 6 of Power Play

Ashley squeezed my hand. “Come back out. If you miss it, you miss it. No one is going to die.”

The phrase entered the room before either of us could stop it. Her face changed immediately.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“It isn’t.”

“We need to go.”

I fixed my ribbon, wiped beneath my eyes, and practiced my smile in the mirror. The first attempt looked too fragile. I softened my mouth and tried again until my expression became pleasant enough to keep anyone from asking what happened.

Ashley watched me do it. “That’s creepy.”

“What is?”

“You looked like you were about to cry, and now you don’t.”

“I fixed it.”

“You can’t fix being sad with your face.”

“I’m not sad.”

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Lying like it becomes true if you look pretty enough.”

The accusation followed me back into the gym.

I returned to my place and ran the transition until my body obeyed. I watched Ashley from the edge of my vision, counted every beat beneath my breath, and refused to let algebra, Charlie, or the pressure of my waistband enter the music.

Coach lowered her clipboard. “Better.”

One word was all it took.

Relief spread through me so quickly that I almost laughed. I had corrected the failure. Whatever Coach saw during the first run no longer mattered because I replaced it with something better.

That relief taught me more than the correction did. Mistakes could be survived if I erased them quickly enough. Disappointment could be replaced with praise. The frightened girl in the bathroom didn’t matter once the polished one returned to the floor and performed correctly.

At breakfast, the team crowded around folding tables covered with fruit, eggs, pancakes, and pastries. I picked up a plate and stood at the end of the line while girls discussed rehearsal, homework, and the party someone’s older brother was hosting that night.

The pancakes smelled sweet and warm. I reached for the tongs, but my mother’s fingers returned to my waist.

More discipline on your end.

I chose strawberries instead, then added eggs. I took one piece of toast because Ashley stood beside me watching, but when she turned to argue with Paige about music, I slipped it beneath my napkin.

We sat on the floor near the bleachers. I ate the strawberries slowly, cutting each one into smaller pieces with the side of my fork. Making each bite smaller made the plate last longer and gave me something to do while everyone else ate without appearing to think about it.

Ashley glanced at my plate. “That’s all you’re eating?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You complained about being starving twenty minutes ago.”