Page 26 of Power Play

“Fucking pathetic,” I whisper at my reflection.

My throat closes around the words.

I know Bliss would be furious if she heard me. Aura would unlock the stall herself and refuse to let me leave until I took it back. Ryan would stare at me with that quiet, cutting focus of his and ask whose voice I was using because he already understands too much about the thoughts I pretend belong only to me.

I drop my shirt and grip the sink when another wave of dizziness passes through me. I didn’t eat enough before the wine. I know that too. My body has been warning me for hours with the headache behind my eyes and the weakness in my legs, but listening would mean admitting the control I’m so proud of is only another way I hurt myself.

The panic loosens gradually, leaving me exhausted and cold.

I wash my hands, hold my wrists beneath the water, and count until my breathing begins to match the numbers. At the mirror, I repair my lipstick and smooth the hair near my temples. My reflection looks composed beneath the fluorescent lights. My hair is sleek, my eyes are bright, and my cheeks are warm from the wine.

Nobody looking at me would see anything except the version of Charm they expect.

I study my face until I’m sure the strain has disappeared, then return to the bar.

Ryan is sitting with the Fury men, but his attention shifts to me as though he felt the instant I stepped into the room. For one terrible second, I wonder what he sees. Then he lifts his beer in a small salute.

I raise my hand in response and make myself smile.

Bliss appears in front of me when I return to the stool and places another basket of fries on the bar.

“You need to eat.”

“I already ate one.”

“That was twenty minutes ago.”

Aura returns and sets down her tray. “You disappeared into the bathroom and came back looking suspiciously calm.”

“I’m tired.”

Bliss leans closer. “Your eyes look weird.”

My breath catches.

“Like she’s been crying?” Aura asks.

“I haven’t been crying.”

Bliss studies my face long enough to make me grateful for the low lighting. “You look pale.”

“It’s dark in here.”

“It’s always dark in here,” she replies.

I choose another fry and bring it to my mouth before either of them can look more closely. The guilt rises before I’ve finished chewing, but I swallow and reach for my water.

Aura rests her hand briefly over mine. “You don’t have to be perfect at everything, Cee.”

The tenderness in her voice makes the lie harder to hold.

“I know.”

Bliss squeezes my shoulder. “Klein can survive one student who doesn’t reorganize Victorian literature for her personal convenience.”

“I’m not reorganizing it.”

“You will after Ryan teaches you what any of it means.”