Page 32 of Before We Burn

She didn’t notice for a while, but when she finally did, she gave me a conniving smile and let some of her vampiric features shine through. I want to kill her, but I can’t deny she’s enchanting. It’s most likely because of her age—you can tell she’s ancient by the way she carries herself—but it was her fangs that kept my attention. They are large—some of the largest I have ever seen—and that means she’s the oldest vampire I’ve encountered.

I shift uncomfortably under her gaze, wincing slightly at the phantom pain in my pelvis. I should’ve bled out from that makeshift surgery on the bed—there was so much blood and pain. Chills creep up my spine and make me shake.

Then there is the fact that someone put a tracker inside of me. I can’t remember any injections or surgeries in that area. It was like Marz said, my memories just seem to vanish like they’ve been altered. So much is coursing through my head, and betrayal burns in the back of my throat. I thought getting back to the base was my safest bet, but suddenly I’m finding myself feeling more safe with the people I considered to be monsters.

My inner turmoil moves in circles, going over each and every outcome that’s happened so far. Marz killed someone by draining them of blood, and I did nothing—I didn’t try to stop or condemn her. I didn’t even check to see if he still had a pulse. I’m just as guilty as she is, and maybe just as much of a monster. I drank vampire blood, which I can still taste on my tongue.

At first it was like pressing your tongue to a battery. Then slowly I could taste a shift, the metallic taste morphing into something joyfully sweet with just enough bitterness to make me greedily pull more.

I silently shake my head, turning my attention to the thick forest we’re driving through, as the fact that the blood healed me blows my mind. Vampires are death and despair. They don’t create life; they take it. So how is it possible her blood healed me? How is it possible I want to do it again?

Everything was sharper when the blood was filling my mouth. I could see better, smell better, and the fucking feeling of it was…other worldly. I instantly blush, even though no one is paying any attention to me. I look at the back of Marzana’s head—her curls are out, her head resting on the headrest with her eyes closed. I wonder if she felt what I was feeling when I was feeding on her. If she felt the pull the way I did. It was like for those brief moments we were in each other's orbit, coexisting in bliss. I want to reach out to her, to feel the warmth of her skin beneath my hands, our heart beats becoming one.

The thought of it should make me sick of my stomach. All of it should. It’s like a never-ending battle between what I was taught and what I want to know. Growing up in the military, what you want is never of importance. Your country comes first—it should always come first. But right now we aren’t much of a country, and I want Marzana. There is a possibility that this feeling is just the lingering side effects from the blood. It may all just be a false sense of attraction. But even now, sitting in the car, I find myself glancing at Marzana more than I care to admit.

I look out the window again, because being caught staring at her is the last thing I want. Constantine has already tried to find ways to make me extremely uncomfortable. If she sees I’m even the slightest bit curious of Marzana, she’ll make it her mission to remind me I’m unworthy because I’m a meager little human.

There are too many things to worry about right now. Too much has been shown to me to think returning back to what I once was—what I once had—could ever happen. If there are vampires like Marzana, ones who want nothing more than to survive and live peacefully, why do we need the war? That’s the question I want answered more than anything.

I don’t tell them that, though. I know they are here to get their students back—well, Marzana is. Constantine is here for moral support… I think.

The only thing Constantine has been good for so far is identifying the tracker.

“Stop with the questions. They’re hurting my head,” Marz says gently.

I forget that she can hear what's going on inside my head sometimes.

“How do I stop it? How do I make it so my thoughts aren’t too loud?” I’m not trying to be considerate; I just want to save myself from further embarrassment.

Marz turns to me, her green eyes more of a void than before. “You learn self control, something humans don’t seem to have. So I doubt it’ll work.”

She turns around and my mouth hangs open in shock. She’s witty, I like that, but not always at my expense.

“You know, you might actually like me if you gave me a chance. Regardless of me being a human.” I shrug, trying to make my comment as nonchalant as possible. I don’t want them thinking I want them to like me, because I don’t. I just want the mutual respect I was giving them back.

“It’s hard for me to give someone a chance who was so convinced I deserved to die. You assumed I enjoy killing because other vampires do.” Marz doesn’t bother to look at me when she says it.

It stung a bit, because she isn’t wrong. I see from their point of view how it looks like I was giving myself a clean slate while holding them to the truth I thought I knew.

We take a sharp turn down a road surrounded by snow-capped trees. The road is completely white, and the dull moonlight makes the path glow. It’s an enchanting sight, one I wish I got to see under different circumstances.

A small cabin sits at the end of the road, like someone personally carved this piece of land for this home to stand. That never happened anymore. People can’t own the land, only the government or military personnel who “earned it.” It was a dream they promised most of us when we went in for recruitment. Most people opt for land in the southern states, but not me. I want to stay here. I want to have my own cabin with a woodstove, a family of my making, and the quietness of the land.

We pull the car around the back of the house, hiding it in the trees. Constantine gets out first, quickly disappearing into the night before reappearing at my window.

“Boo!” she yells, and I can’t help but jump.

“For fuck sake, Constantine!” I shout, opening the door aggressively, hoping to hit her, but she’s too fast. Marzana didn’t wait and is already marching up the steep hill to the cabin, completely disregarding us.

I get out of the car, surprised at how good I feel. My body doesn’t ache or scream at me to sit back down. Instead, I feel like I could run a marathon. Vampire venom is what’s being chased, but vampire blood is what they should really want.

I jog after Marzana, not wanting to be left alone with Constantine longer than I have to. The back of the cabin is nothing extravagant. It’s made of wood, boasting a simple design, and a fire pit built into the ground.

Marz touches the wall of the cabin, searching for something while deep in concentration, then a small smile appears on her face. Her hand turns, and the wall opens like a door. I don’t like that we are going through the secret back entrance. It makes me feel like we aren’t supposed to be here.

“Do you think I should have a weapon?” I ask, and I’m met with silence. Neither of them look at me. They just walk through the door.

I’m not about to be left outside—and there is no way in hell I’m going to stay here—so I follow them in. Weaponless and fucking afraid.