Page 96 of The Headmaster’s Rule

I don’t have the courage to ask what I really want, so instead I simply say, “I think Margaret knows.”

“You might be right. And…” He grimaces. “Danny knows too. He didn’t say anything outright, but…”

My pulse scrambles. Danny knows? Margaret I was less worried about, because her job is to support Headmaster Wright, but Danny?

“Will they report us?” I ask breathlessly.

Theo considers this. “I don’t think so. Both of them seem to be surprisingly supportive.”

I let my breath out in a long stream, not feeling the relief I should. Because it’s not a solution, is it? It’s a Band-Aid over an already precarious situation.

“We can’t keep doing this.” It’s not what I mean to say, but it comes out anyway.

“I know,” he murmurs, wiping a hand over his beard. “As hot as it is, you’re right. I’m tired of sneaking around.”

My heart falls. Is he ending this? Because that’s not what I meant.

He gazes at me for a long moment, releasing a weary sigh. “It’s Veteran’s Day weekend tomorrow. Come to the city with me, sweetheart. Just you and me. Let’s find out what this is when no one’s watching.”

Oh. Wow.

“Really?” I breathe.

He nods, smiling hopefully, and my heart stutters. A weekend in New York with Theo. I want that. Want him. But more than that, I want to see what we are when we’re not hiding behind school schedules and titles. Behind closed doors and fundraiser meetings.

The reminder brings me crashing back to reality.

“We can’t.” I rub my forehead in agitation. “We’re only one week out from the fundraiser…”

He reaches for my hand, so gentle. “I meant what I said in the meeting last week. You’ve worked hard. You deserve a break.”

“But—”

“We’re on schedule. We have support from the team. We’ll only go for one night. The fundraiser won’t fall apart if we take one night off. Besides, you’re the one who said we need to do things outside of work sometimes, remember?”

He’s right, but there’s something else gnawing at me.

Guilt.

That’s what it is. What it’s always been. I feel so damn guilty about being with him, about acting on this, that I’ve been working round the clock on Safe Harbor to overcompensate for it. And now that I stop to reflect on that, I can see it’s taken all the joy out of it.

Even with my class, I’ve been designing increasingly complicated lessons, bringing home extra work to do. It’s like I’m trying to prove this thing with Theo won’t affect my work.

And with Theo, it’s the same. Guilt. I know he feels it too, in his way, but I’m so consumed by it that I won’t let myself spend any time with him. Instead, we’re reduced to clandestine meetings in the copy room, his office. And while that’s fucking hot, there’s no room for a true relationship to grow.

I sigh, realizing the irony. I finally have two things that really matter to me—the fundraiser and Theo—and I won’t let myself enjoy either. I’m too busy punishing myself for wanting something I’m not supposed to want.

And I’m tired of it. Tired of feeling bad about something—someone—that makes me feel so good.

I gaze at his handsome face, waiting patiently for me to answer, and decide I can’t do this anymore. Can’t keep punishing myself. Can’t keep agonizing over how wrong it is.

Not when everything about Theo feels right.

“Yes,” I breathe, pressing my mouth to his. “Let’s go to the city.”

CHAPTER 32

Eleanor