Page 86 of She’s Worth the Risk

I blink, certain I’ve misheard her.

“You need me to…”

“Take over the class,” she repeats, in a tone that leaves no room for argument.

My pulse crashes as I process this. I heard right. They want me to take over the patronage class.

Zinnia’s class.

“I…” I glance wildly around my office, as if it might provide some sort of excuse. Some way out of becoming Zinnia’s professor again.

“It’s short notice,” Dr. Fuller acknowledges, “but you’re the only other Renaissance specialist on faculty.”

She’s right. There’s no one else qualified to take the class. And with only two classes on my plate this semester, there’s no good reason to decline.

No way I could say, Actually, I’m sleeping with a student in that class, so could I not?

Jesus.

I tug my glasses off to drag a hand down my face, gut twisting like a rag. “Of course.” I have to force the words from my throat, landing bitter on my tongue.

“Excellent. I’ll have the syllabus and materials sent to you this afternoon.”

The line goes dead, but my hand continues to hold the phone in a death grip. My shoulders burn, and I heave out a breath, trying to unclench, but it’s no use. It was bad enough being with Zinnia after she’d been in my class, but this? I can’t be with her while she’s actively my student. It blurs so many ethical boundaries, I don’t know where to begin.

And yet… I can’t give her up.

I think of the way she took me so eagerly a few minutes ago. The way she stopped me from retreating into shame afterward. Every single time she’s seen me for who I really am, and never looked away.

Fuck. No. I can’t give her up.

Could I ask her to drop the class?

The thought vanishes as quickly as it appears, because I can’t do that, either. I could never ask her to do that, not after how excited she was. After she visited me, elated and bubbling over with joy. I could never take that away from her.

The realization settles into my gut like a rock. There’s no way around it. I’m going to be her professor again. This is the worst possible situation.

Actually… I catch myself, realizing that’s not true. The worst possible situation would be to lose Zinnia. I need her more than I need air. The more time I spend with her, the harder I fall, and the more I know one thing for certain.

She’s worth the risk.

33

ZINNIA

Ican’t stop grinning for the rest of the day. Partly because of the fun Nick and I had in his office, and partly because I found two of the books he suggested, making my way through several chapters in one of them already.

I never expected to find this aspect of art history so fascinating, but the more I read, the more I think of Iris’s words. She’s right, I am passionate about this. I’d just never given myself a chance to explore it.

By the time life drawing rolls around, I’m excited to talk to Nick. I arrive early, surprised to find him waiting on the front stoop. Maybe I’m not the only one excited.

But as I approach, I catch the slump of his shoulders, the furrow in his brow. And when he glances up to see me, his lips lifting in a smile that quickly falls away, my heart plummets.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

He grimaces, glancing away, and that’s when it hits me.

Something has happened at NYU.