Page 120 of She’s Worth the Risk

“It’s yours,” she says firmly, giving me that look again. “I can’t force you to live here, but the house will be ready when you are. I won’t sell it, Zinnia. It’s yours.” She softens, her hand squeezing mine. “It’s always been yours.”

My throat closes, and I look down as tears blur my vision. I think of all the years I felt so rootless, all the years I drifted. I’d always assumed permanence wasn’t in the cards for me, that I wasn’t built to settle, but now I know.

This is where I’m supposed to be. Where I was always supposed to be. Whenever I let myself imagine staying in New York, it was in this house. This neighborhood.

You belong here. You belong with me, Zinnia.

That’s when I realize, Nick was right. I do belong in New York. I do belong with him.

But I don’t want to move into his place. I love his apartment, but it’s his. It’s where we go to hide from the world. Where he built a life before me. It’s not where I belong. I belong here, in this brownstone.

The only place that’s ever felt like home.

As this realization settles, all the hesitation, the questioning, the confusion falls away. It was never about being with Nick, about being in the city.

It was needing to stay in this house. Gran’s house.

“It won’t be the same without you, though,” I say, wiping my eyes.

“No,” Gran admits. “But I’ll be nearby. It’s time for you to create your own life here, my dear Zinnie. To carry on my legacy.”

Legacy.

I think of my work at the community arts center, my art history class. The love of art Gran has instilled in me, and all the ways I want to share that love with the world like Gran has, especially now that she’s finding it harder to do so. I’d be honored to continue to do that, to build a life of my own in this home. Maybe it’s the best possible way I can repay her for everything she’s done for me.

But… I think of all the hours Nick and I have spent curled in his bed, how comfortable he is there. That he’s been in that apartment for fifteen years. The way he said, I want you to move in with me, honey.

He loves his apartment.

And I love him. I want him here with me. Not visiting, or hiding. Living here. Building something that’s ours. To put our art on the wall, our books on the shelves, cook together in our kitchen.

To maybe, one day, have a family of our own here.

The thought sends a thrill through me, but it’s quickly chased by another thought. What if he doesn’t want that? What if he doesn’t want to leave his place?

There’s only one way to find out.

I rise from the bed, kissing Gran on the head. “I love you, Gran. Thank you for everything.” I tug a dress from the closet. “But I need to—”

“I know, darling.” She rises too, giving me an understanding smile. “Go to him.”

44

ZINNIA

It takes all my strength not to go straight to Nick’s office.

This isn’t an on-campus conversation. I can’t show up in the middle of Nick’s workday and expect him to make time for me. And the things I feel—the things I need to say—aren’t for my professor.

They’re for Nick.

Instead, I head to his apartment. I wasn’t supposed to come over until after work tonight, but I can’t wait until then. Even if he won’t be home for hours, I feel closer to him there. I can put on his T-shirt and crawl into his bed. Drink his tea, read his books.

And hope that when he does eventually get home, he’ll forgive me for walking out yesterday.

I glance quickly over my shoulder as I unlock the door to his building, making sure there’s no one we know nearby. Even if Nick is planning to tell the department chair, I should still be careful. The last thing we need is someone reporting us before he gets the chance.

I’m tired as I let myself into Nick’s apartment, so it takes me completely by surprise when I close the door behind me and turn to find him sitting on the sofa.