Page 82 of Thaddeus

“She’s gonna be devastated when I tell her you were here and wouldn’t take the time to see her.”

“So don’t tell her, she doesn’t need to know any of this. Another reason there won’t be some happy family reunion. I don’t want her knowing me, I’m not the little sister she remembers.”

“There are no secrets between Emerson and me. I won’t lie to her, not even to protect her. And she’s not the same person either. You both need each other.”

Autumn stared at me for a moment before she spoke. “Time’s up. The whole town will be surrounding this place in a few minutes. Tell Emmy, Paul’s been taken care of and to go live her life and forget about all this shit. This is not a world she should’ve ever been in.”

She started to push past me but stopped. “Be safe,” she mumbled.

I reached out to grab her—if she wasn’t coming in on her own, I’d haul her back kicking and screaming. But before I could wrap my hand around her arm, Declan stopped me with a shake of his head.

“Be advised, Autumn Pierce is exiting the house. Hold your fire,” Declan radioed.

“Copy,” Max returned.

Once Autumn cleared the door and was out of sight, I turned to Dec.

“What the fuck?”

“She’s not ready. She may never be ready. But if that day comes and she wants to find Emerson, nothing will stop that woman from doing so. In the meantime, Emerson’s gonna have to deal.”

“Deal?” I huffed. “That’s her family. Her sister. You of all people should understand something about that.”

Hell, him and his twin sister had been separated after their parents’ death. And years later he’d found himself sitting across from Violet as she conducted his exit interview when she worked with the CIA. She had no idea Declan was her brother, and he didn’t tell her even though he’d known.

“I understand more than you know. I understand about family and wanting to keep them clean. I know about bone-crushing loss and how it tears you to pieces. I know about the need to avenge that loss. But above all of that, I know that woman is not ready to face reality and if you force her, the blowback will leave devastation in its wake. And the person it will devastate will be your woman.”

The look on Declan’s face spoke to me more than his words had. And every one of them said he’d gained that understanding and was still feeling it. I assumed the woman he’d told me about, the one who wasn’t ever coming back to him, was the loss he’d referenced. But I wouldn’t ask, because I knew he wouldn’t confirm. Declan was a vault of secrets and pain.

Emerson

It had been a week.

A week of Thaddeus and I being an us.

A week of being back in the U.S.

A week since Thaddeus saw my sister and couldn’t convince her to come with him or to even talk to me.

To say I was struggling would’ve been a distortion of the truth. I was on emotional overload. Just being back in the States had me on edge. It made my new actuality real. Thad and I were giving a new relationship a go. He’d been great—more than great, he’d held me while I cried over my sister. He’d talked me through being angry at her for not accepting Thad and Declan’s help.

On the plane ride back to San Diego he’d told me about the mission. They’d left the animals untouched but Faith had come through and one of the international rescue organizations would be conducting their own seizure of the dogs and birds Jefferson had.

He’d been honest with me about what Autumn had done, though I sensed he’d left some details out, which I appreciated considering what he’d told me was bad enough. But he’d trusted me with the information, then softened the blow the knowledge my sister had killed on my behalf, to make me safe, by letting me cry—again—in his arms.

We’d spent the week getting to know each other again. Actually, it was me getting to know Thad. He told me more about what he’d been doing the last ten years, but didn’t push me to talk about what I’d done. He talked to me about being a SEAL, getting out, feeling lost in a civilian world, and about how he’d met Zane Lewis.

He’d taken us for walks on the beach, out to dinner, we’d watched movies on Netflix. We’d gone to the grocery store together, I’d cooked him dinner in the hotel Del Coronado’s well-equipped kitchen. He’d told me stories about his family, including when his mother had passed a few years ago causing more of a rift between him and his father. His family had guilted Thad by trying to make him believe it had been his fault his mom had had a heart attack. Thad’s dad had been mean about it, his brother less so but he, too, wanted Thad back in Oregon to help run the family business. I believed now, just as I did ten years ago, the only reason Thad’s brother got on Thad’s ass about leaving and joining the Navy was because he was jealous. Andras didn’t like working in the store when he’d been younger, and by the sound of it, he hated it now. He was unhappy and wanted Thad to be as well.

That had been the life I was trying to save Thaddeus from. Thad was adventurous, he was ambitious, he wanted a life he’d forged for himself, not one his father had forced on him. Andras didn’t have a backbone, he’d bowed to his father’s demands and now he was miserable. That could’ve been Thad.

So after hearing the latest news about Thad’s family I decided my suffering had been worth it. I wouldn’t tell Thad that—he wouldn’t agree. I’d made a decision for both of us and had taken his power away, but I was secure in the knowledge I’d done the right thing for him.

All in all, my sister notwithstanding, life with Thad was going spectacularly well. I’d never stopped loving him, so I couldn’t say I was falling in love, because I’d fallen a decade ago. What I could say was, I knew now, like I had all those years ago, Thad was it for me. The only snag in all of this was he still wouldn’t make love to me.

He’d kiss me. He’d use his hand to get me off. He’d shower with me. He’d hold me all night. But he wouldn’t let me touch him, and he stopped the festivities before they got to the even better parts. I was frustrated. I didn’t know what he was waiting for. When I’d brought it up, all he’d say was I needed to have patience. However, I was fresh out. I couldn’t see what the holdup was other than he was unsure about us, which was now making me wonder if I should be unsure as well.

“Emerson?” Thad called from inside the hotel suite.