Page 113 of Jonas

“And they both went outside for a middle-of-the-night walk. Though, unlike the two of you, they minded the camera angles.”

I felt my cheeks heat. Which was dumb because all that Kira saw was some kissing and a tiny bit of dry humping.

“For the record,” she continued. “You two are cute together. Never imagined the kind of woman Jonas would be with mainly because I never thought he’d find a woman, with his trust issues and not liking to be touched. But now that I’ve seen you two together, you’re the perfect woman for him.”

I felt like preening under Kira’s approval. However, I was stuck back on not liking to be touched.

“You don’t like to be touched?” I asked him.

He didn’t hesitate. “Nope. Hate it.”

There was this funny feeling that was creeping up from my stomach, making its way into my throat. Not funny ha-ha, funny like I was going to vomit. I touched Jonas all the time, and he hated it? Not, disliked. Not, wasn’t a big fan of it. Straight-up hated. And he never told me. He let me touch him and suffered through it.

When the hell was he going to tell me that I’d done it enough and he couldn’t take it anymore?

“Dee Dee,” he called.

Oh my God, he hated being touched, and I’d been torturing him.

“Baby,” he tried again, this time grabbing my wrist and bringing my hand to his chest.

The moment my palm hit the fabric of his tee, I tried to yank my hand back. Effortlessly, he overpowered me, going so far as to lean into my hand.

“I hate being touched, except when you do it. Growing up, I wasn’t touched with kindness. I associate touch with dysfunction and abuse. Except, like I said, when you touch me. From the very first time you did it, I knew it was different. I knew I wanted more.”

I glanced at Kira, aware we had an audience and maybe Jonas didn’t want to talk about this in front of her.

“Baby, if I can’t talk about this in front of KK then that means I’m hiding my shit. I’m still back in a dark place where I shove all feelings in a box and pretend they don’t exist. That got me nowhere. I learned that with my team, I let all my shit hang out. You’ve heard Cash. He does it, too. The more you’re around, you’ll hear the other guys say shit. It’s how we bring it into the light. It’s how we keep all the bad shit from choking out the good.”

That not only made sense but I thought it was healthy.

“That’s a very emotionally intelligent way of looking at it.”

Kira laughed. “Yeah, that’s us, a group of emotionally intelligent people who between us have a cargo ship of baggage. Before I met Cooper, I believed with all my heart and soul I killed the people I loved just by loving them. I lost my parents, then my brother, both in the ugliest of ways, and my survivor’s guilt was so extreme I barely left my apartment for ten years. All I did was work. My only friends were Jonas, Cash, Theo, Smith, Easton, and Layla. And five of those people were dead on paper and my only communication with them was over the computer. We all have shit in our past that if we let it, will drown us in misery. We all have trust issues and that’s why we protect what we have with each other. Theo gave us Bridget. Then Easton gave us Nebraska. Smith, Aria. And now Jonas is giving us you. We protect what’s ours, Derrika and that goes beyond physically. If you let us, we’ll show you your worth. We show you, you are not what your father said you were. And growing up the way you did might’ve had some good but it was totally fucked up.”

She knew about my father’s teachings. I didn’t ask her how she knew. It didn’t matter because I knew for a fact it didn’t come from Jonas. I trusted he would never divulge my secrets.

Kira eyed me. “You didn’t ask if Jonas told me.”

I didn’t miss the approval in her tone.

“I know he wouldn’t have told you.”

“He didn’t. Part of it I heard, as did Zane and Cash. The rest of your history I learned by looking into you.” She paused and held my stare. “Are you mad?”

If anyone else had intruded on my secrets I would’ve been furious.

“No.”

“Good. Zane’s on his way. And the rest of the team sans Theo and Smith are coming back down. Apparently Penny drives faster than Cash when he’s playing Grand Theft Auto, the real-life version, and she’s pulling down the lane now.”

I blinked at Kira.

“I have to say, you’re impressive. You multitask like a boss bitch.”

“It’s like walking and chewing gum.”

It was nothing like walking and chewing gum. She’d been fully engaged in a conversation while watching cameras and fielding texts on her computer.