Page 90 of The Penalty

“Yes.”

She sits back in her chair and studies me. It sets me on edge. It’s like she’s trying to determine if she believes me. This might be the hardest judgment I’ve ever gone through, and that includes my NFL career, where people felt like they could bash me for having an off night.

“I’m not sure what you want from me, Dad. I don’t think I’ll ever be ok with you dating someone my age, especially not someone I thought was my friend.”

“She still is your friend. And nothing has to change. We can just be exactly how we were.”

She shakes her head. “No, we can’t.”

I hang my head, feeling so defeated. Everything was too good to be true. I was too happy. I knew it would eventually come crumbling down. “Ok. I’ll end it. If I do that, will you come back home?”

Her eyebrows raise in surprise. “You’re going to end things with her?”

“You’re asking me to pick between you and her. Of course, I’ll pick you, Kylie. You’re my daughter, and I want you back home.”

I was hoping this conversation would go a lot differently. I thought Kylie would see and understand that what McKenzie and I have is more than just physical. But I should’ve known that wasn’t going to happen.

“I’m not moving back in here if McKenzie is living here.”

“She moved out.”

“Like for good? I thought she was just staying somewhere else for a few days.”

I nod. “She was looking to move out at the start of the semester, but I told her no. Selfishly, I wanted her here. But after everything that’s happened, she found somewhere else to live.” I shrug it off even though I hate it. “It’s for the best.”

“Ok. . . well. . . great.”

“Yeah,” I agree, even though none of this feels great. I can actually feel my heart start to fracture, and my stomach is in a fucking knot. But I know I have to do what’s right for my daughter.

“I guess I’ll come back home then.”

“Ok.”

“Ok,” she repeats.

And that’s that. I’ve got my daughter back, but I’m going to lose the love of my life.

Kylie left for her afternoon class and came back after with the bag that she had at Jake’s. I get us dinner, and we sit in the kitchen. It’s awkward. Neither one of us really knows what to say. I try to talk to her about Jake and her classes, but she gives me one-word responses. And not a single smile.

She’s mad.

I’m heartbroken.

Nothing about this situation is good right now. I know that I broke what we had and that it’ll take time to fix it.

Neither one of us mentions McKenzie. The weight of what I have to do sits heavily on my soul. I asked McKenzie to wait for me, and now I’m going back on my word. I can’t ask her to wait indefinitely.

She’s going to hate me, and maybe I deserve it. She sure as hell deserves better than me.

After dinner, Kylie locks herself in her bedroom while I lay in McKenzie’s old bed and toss and turn. I finally work up the courage to text McKenzie and ask her to meet me for coffee in the morning at a little place far enough away from campus that we hopefully won’t be noticed.

She agrees almost immediately. In my gut, I know she knows what’s going to happen.

THIRTY-SEVEN

MCKENZIE

It’s over.