Page 70 of The Penalty

“No. But you know how, don’t you, McKenzie? You can show me, right?” She looks at McKenzie, who is wearing a Santa hat and has a candy cane hanging out of her mouth. It’s been absolutely torture to not stare at her all afternoon. Every time she laughs, I want to look at her. Every time she picks up an ornament, I want to see which one she picks. Every time she sucks on that damn candy cane, I want to grab her face and kiss her.

“Yeah, I know how to skate. And I’m more than happy to watch you two fall on your asses for an hour.”

Kylie laughs. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

“Fine.” I sigh, like I could possibly say no to either one of them. “We’ll go after you finish the tree and clean this mess up.” I point to all the bags and empty ornament boxes scattered around the living room.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t have any Christmas decorations,” Kylie says as she hangs another gold ball on the tree.

I’d never needed Christmas decorations. It’s usually only me at the house, and I typically fly home to Georgia for Christmas for a few days. Decorating the house wasn’t a priority for me. But this year, the girls wanted to decorate, and I didn’t want to disappoint my girls. So, the three of us went and picked out a tree and bought every decoration we could possibly need. Even some I would rather never see again, like the little weird elf or gnome thing that Kylie put in our shopping cart before we made it to the checkout. I have no idea where she plans on putting that, but I hope it’s somewhere I don’t have to see it every day.

“Just never needed them.”

“Well, this year, it’s going to look like the North Pole threw up in the house,“ Kylie says proudly as she surveys her work.

I laugh. “We aren’t even going to be here on Christmas.”

McKenzie shoots me a look. Spending Christmas away from her is the last thing I want to do, especially now that she’s such a steady constant in my life, but it would look suspicious if I stayed home. She’s going to her mom’s house anyway, and as nice as her family was to me when I met them at the funeral, I doubt they’d be as happy to see me if I showed up holding McKenzie’s hand. I imagine most mothers wouldn’t want a thirty-seven-year-old man dating their twenty-two-year-old daughter. I know I’d be pissed if a man my age told me they were interested in Kylie.

That’s just it. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stay away.

My feelings for McKenzie are growing stronger every day. I don’t bother fighting it anymore. There’s no point. We both know that nothing will keep me from sneaking into her room every night. Even if we don’t have sex, I just need to be near her, hold her, kiss her goodnight. I’m worried for my sanity at this point. Every spare second I have, I’m thinking about her.

“I know,” Kylie says. “But we still need it to be festive until we leave. Get us into the spirit.”

McKenzie chuckles. She’s acting like she doesn’t care either way if there are decorations in the house, but I know better. She’s told me before how her mom usually goes all out for holidays. I think she’s trying hard not to think about how this is her first Christmas without her dad. But I saw the way her eyes lit up when we made our way to the decorations section of the store. I’d have bought her any damn thing she asked for in the moment just to see that joy.

One disastrously decorated tree later, the three of us get bundled up because we’re actually going ice skating.

After a quick internet search, Kylie finds a seasonal rink for us to go to. In the few years that I’ve lived in Nebraska, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an ice skating rink, but I probably wasn’t paying attention.

We pull up to the rink, and luckily, there aren’t many people here, either because it’s cold as fuck or because they have normal jobs to work and it’s the middle of the week. We rent our skates and pull on our gloves before heading to the edge of the ice.

McKenzie glides right on and takes off in a circle around the rink.

“Show off!” I call to her when she comes back toward where Kylie and I are still trying to step onto the ice.

She laughs and holds out her hands for us. Kylie grabs on, but I hesitate for a moment. I think it’s clear that she’s just helping me on the ice, but there’s always that chance that someone will see it and think it’s something more.

I stop overthinking it and put my gloved hand in McKenzie’s. She holds us steady while we step onto the ice, helping us get our balance before letting go of my hand. I wish I could keep holding it. I’d love nothing more than to skate around this rink with her like a real couple. But I know that’s not an option. I can’t date her in the open. Not now, at least.

McKenzie keeps Kylie’s hand in hers as they do a slow loop around the rink. I follow behind them, trying really hard not to fall on my ass.

Kylie eventually lets go of McKenzie and starts skating on her own. Both of us are wobbly at first, but soon we’re steady enough to do an entire lap without looking like newborn giraffes.

McKenzie skates circles around us, literally. She even does a little twirl thing with her leg in the air and everything.

“How’d you get so good at skating?” I ask her once I’m able to keep up with her.

“I don’t know. I mean, I played ice hockey with my brothers sometimes when I was younger. But I grew up next to this girl who trained in ice dancing. She would sometimes teach me how to do little things like that twirl. She’s actually a pretty big-time ice dancer now. I bet I’ll see her on TV at the Olympics one day.”

I can’t stop staring at her smile. She’s beautiful all the time, but seeing her like this, not stressed, just having fun, might be my favorite version of her. It also makes me want to kiss the hell out of her, which I absolutely can’t do with my daughter a few feet behind us.

“That’s really cool, McKenzie. You never cease to amaze me.”

She leans her head back a little as she laughs, making it even more tempting to kiss her.

“Guys!” Kylie calls from behind us. “I’ve got to run to the bathroom.” She points to the small building next to the rink.