Page 62 of The Penalty

I’ve been dreading Thanksgiving.

It’s the first holiday without my dad, but not only that, my first holiday completely alone.

With my mom going to my aunt’s house, it didn’t make sense for me to try to get out there for a day. Only one of my brothers went with her, so the rest of us were on our own.

We all did a family video call this morning, but other than that, I’ve been sitting in the Danvers’ big ole house, all by myself.

I cleaned, did some homework, and only cried twice. Once in the shower and once while I made myself cinnamon rolls for brunch because my dad always insisted we have cinnamon rolls on Thanksgiving.

Kylie called me a little after my second cry fest, and we talked for a while. She showed me around her house in Georgia, and I met her mom over video call. It was strange meeting her knowing that Tyler chose her once upon a time. She’s beautiful, but that’s not surprising. She’s nice too, at least from what I can tell from talking to her for a few minutes.

“Is Dad home?” Kylie asks.

“Nope. He left this morning and hasn’t been back since. I think he’s going to Coach Zach’s house for dinner, too.” I felt him roll out of my bed this morning and kiss my head before he left. I was disappointed that he got home so late last night. I guess I was hoping for. . . something. Maybe he’s not ready for that, though.

“What? That’s shitty. I thought y’all would at least have dinner together.”

I shrug it off. I’d love to have dinner, just the two of us. But I understand why we can’t, and I understand why we shouldn’t. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, though. “It’s all good. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to have a day all to myself.”

“Still, I hate that you’re alone. Do you have anything nice planned for dinner, at least?” Kylie is always trying to mother me. At first, I was worried about it because I didn’t want to stress her out, but now I kinda like knowing I’ve got someone in my corner.

“Yeah. I’m roasting a chicken.” Because it was cheaper than a turkey. “And I’m going to make mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. Should have enough leftovers for days.”

“Sounds delicious.” She goes on to tell me they’re going to her grandmother’s house in a little while, where there will be a big feast with her whole family. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, I can tell she’s excited.

When she has to go, I spend the rest of the day watching Christmas movies, which is the only acceptable thing to watch on Thanksgiving, before I start cooking my dinner for one.

I’ve finished dinner and have cleaned up my mess when I get a text from Tyler telling me he’s on his way home. He doesn’t text me often, so when his name pops up, I get excited.

I wish I didn’t, though. I keep trying not to get my hopes up for anything to happen so that I won’t be disappointed. Maybe he’s satisfied just laying with me in bed and kissing me occasionally. Maybe he doesn’t want to go any further.

But just in case, I’ve put on my nicest underwear set under my sweats.

The front door opens while I’m watching a made-for-TV Christmas movie, and my stomach flutters with nerves for no damn reason. We haven’t talked about anything happening tonight, but just the thought of us being alone fills me with excitement.

He turns the corner and looks stunning in his dress pants and charcoal sweater.

“Hey,” I say cheerily. I hope it’s not too cheery, though. Wouldn’t want to seem desperate, even if I kind of am.

“Hey, baby.” My stomach does another flip at the nickname. I vaguely remember him saying it last night, but I was so tired I thought I dreamed it.

“How was dinner?”

He walks over to the couch and sits at the end, where my feet are covered under a blanket. “It was alright. The food was good, but I would’ve much rather been here with you.”

When he says things like that, it makes me feel like we’re on the same page, yet he keeps staying on the other side of the line of doing anything more than kissing me.

“How was your day?” he asks, grabbing one of my feet from under the covers and rubbing it.

“Good. Quiet. I talked to my family and to Kylie.”

“Good. I’m glad you got to talk to them. I tried to call Kylie on my way home, but she didn’t answer. She’s probably busy.”

“Yeah, she was headed to her grandma’s, I think. I got to meet her mom. Over the phone, that is.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. She seems nice. Really pretty.” I don’t know why I said it. I guess my jealousy is coming out. It’s not fair that she got to have him, but I can’t. I know it’s not his fault, but it keeps creeping back into my mind.