Page 45 of The Penalty

“Why? Was it not. . . good enough?” Her voice is quieter than I’ve ever heard it, like she’s nervous about my answer. It has nothing to do with whether or not the kiss was good because, honestly, it was the best kiss of my life. I still remember how soft her lips were, how good they felt pressed against me, and her fingers in my hair. I haven’t felt that good in a very, very long time, which makes this whole thing even worse.

“McKenzie, that’s not the point.”

“I need to know.”

I grip the steering wheel even harder. I haven’t even driven out of the parking lot yet and I’m already questioning if I should be allowing this woman back into my house. Maybe I should pay for her to stay in a hotel. But if anyone found out I was putting her up in a room, they’d for sure get the wrong idea, even if I was staying away from her.

“It doesn’t matter,” I tell her.

“It does! I need to know. Is this, us, a mistake because you don’t feel what I feel or because of my age and my friendship with Kylie?”

“Don’t forget I could lose my job because you’re a fucking student,” I add.

“Is that the reason, then? Your job?” Why won’t she let this go? She knows better than anyone that nothing can happen between us.

“McKenzie.”

“Just tell me!” she shouts. And it’s like my patience snaps.

“Goddammit.” I hit my hand on the steering wheel, and she jumps, startled by my sudden outburst. “Of course, I fucking feel it, McKenzie. I thought that was pretty damn obvious when I stuck my tongue down your throat. You had to have felt how much I liked it, too. But I can’t feel this way for you. There’s too much at stake. For both of us.”

She stares at me, and I stare back. Both of us are drenched from the rain. Her hair is plastered to her head, and I feel like I’m sitting on a soggy blanket, but I can’t make myself look away from her. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I can’t have her.

“Ok,” she finally says, sounding defeated.

“Ok? All of that for just an ok?”

She nods. “I understand. I’ll respect your decision.”

“Thank you.” This feels too easy, but I’m too tired to continue arguing about it tonight. “I’m going to take you back to the house. We’ll come get your car tomorrow, and you’ll stay with us for as long as you need.”

“Tyler—”

“I don’t want to hear it, McKenzie. You’ll stay in the guest room. I don’t want you sleeping in your car anymore, understood?”

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I was already kicked out once.”

I take a deep breath and shake my head as I finally pull the truck out of the parking lot. “I kicked you out because I was an asshole. But I’m an adult, and I can keep my hands to myself.” I hope. “Just no more late-night chats. We shouldn’t be spending time together like that.”

She looks out the window at the storm surrounding us. “Alright.”

We don’t say anything for several minutes as I carefully make my way back to the house in this downpour. There are so many things I want to say to her. I want to reach out and hold her hand. I want to apologize for yelling, for being an asshole. But it’s better if she’s mad at me.

“Do your parents know you’re living in your car?” I ask. I know she’s technically not my responsibility, but as a parent, I know I would be livid if I found out my child was being this reckless.

“Of course not.”

“Why don’t you tell them you need help?”

“My parents are barely making ends meet. My mom was sick a few years ago, and they’re still in debt because of it. She works part-time, but it’s hard for her because of her health. I didn’t want them to have to worry about me on top of everything else. Then, my rent went up over the summer, and I knew I was going to have to cut down my hours at the restaurant to accommodate my school workload for the semester, so I made a decision and did what I had to do. It’s just for one semester.”

“It’s not safe.” As mad as I am at her for this, it also proves what a strong woman she is. She has a big heart, maybe too big.

“I’ve been fine. Sometimes I crash on other friend’s couches. I always park under lights, and I usually put screens up on my windows when I’m sleeping.”

“You’re staying with us for as long as you need to,” I tell her again.

She sighs and appears to finally realize that I’m not playing around. “At least let me contribute to rent or bills or something.”