Page 50 of This Changes Everything

Rory clutched my face with both hands. “Always you.” He kissed me deeply, holding me as if letting go would never be an option. Then he slowly pushed himself inside me. I stopped breathing, and my mouth opened in a moment of pain, but he met the moment with his mouth on mine.

“Are you okay?” he whispered against my lips.

“I love you, Rory.”

“I love you so fucking much, Ellie.” Rory kissed me as his hands found my legs. He gripped me under my thighs and wrapped my legs around his body. He pushed himself all the way in, filling me, over and over again, deeper, and harder, his lips never straying from mine, floating over me, brushing against me. I felt dizzy when my contractions started again, squeezing him rhythmically inside of me. My throbbing surged from between my legs, through my stomach, up my back, and into my heart.

“Rory . . .”

He tangled his hands in my hair and pulled my head back to look into my eyes. He pressed our foreheads together, and our mouths reached for each other. I was still coming when he came too. We held tightly to each other, breathing heavily, and he collapsed on top of me, giving me all his weight. Rory trailed his bottom lip gently along my collarbone and then kissed it softly before digging his face into my neck.

“You can’t leave me,” he mumbled. He twisted his head to put it on my shoulder once more, where it all began. “Don’t leave me. What am I going to do? What the fuck am I going to do . . . ?” The first time he said it to me. The second time, he said it to himself. After a moment, I could hear his breathing go ragged, almost like he had forgotten how. And then he said something I never expected. “Ellie, what the fuck did we do?”

Chapter 17

NEW YORK 21 years old

I WAS HUGGING BLAIR, BUT I COULDN’T BELIEVE I WAS LOOKING at Rory. It had been six months since I left. Six months since he finally told me that he loved me. Six months since he shattered me in the very next breath. And six months of me rebuilding my life.

Rory had his hands deep in his pockets. He was wearing a thin black sweater that hugged his lean, toned frame, and dark-gray slacks. His shaggy, curly brown hair was pushed back as best as it could be, framing his lightly freckled face. His jaw was tense; his lips were tight and slightly downturned.

“When did you get so pretty?” Blair pushed my long, wavy hair over my shoulder.

“Timed it perfectly with moving away, I guess,” I said.

Blair grinned, then reached over me to pull Hannah toward him and away from Lucas for a hug.

I looked at Rory and forced out a small smile. He did the same. His dimple twitched, and it caused him to look away, but only for a moment.

“I hope it’s okay we’re here, Ellie-Bee.” Jacob threw his arm around Kara.

“Of course, of course. I’m so happy to see you.”

No, it’s not okay! It is absolutely not even a little bit okay!

Cameron smiled at me sweetly, then pushed Jacob aside to kiss Kara.

I turned to Ben, who was stiff and confused. He, Zoë, and Lucas stood uncomfortably inside the loud, dark blues bar. I felt guilty. I felt awful and guilty, and I didn’t know who those feelings were directed toward, Ben or Rory or both.

The band took the stage, and everything felt louder and brighter. My breath felt shallow; my vision went fuzzy. I looked at Rory and saw his look of recognition morph into worry as he watched my eyes start to go vacant. His back straightened, his eyes focused, and he stepped forward, but Ben beat him to it.

“Breathe, buddy,” Ben whispered so low that only I could hear him. He carefully leaned into me, and a rush of calm washed through me.

“Okay,” I started. “So, introductions. This is Jacob, Kara’s brother.” I turned my body away, unable to look at any of them. “And, ummm, this is Blair, Cameron, and Rory.” I said their names as quickly as possible. Apparently, it wasn’t fast enough, as Lucas and Zoë froze.

Ben stepped forward first. He was tense. It was clear he was upset, and I knew he was jealous, but he didn’t dare admit it. He extended his hand. “Hi, I’m Ben. I’m . . .” He hesitated.

“The roommate?” Cameron finished his sentence with a speculative tone.

“Yup. That is something that I am,” Ben said awkwardly, sounding staccato. His eyes flicked over to me.

Jacob stepped up to meet Ben and took his hand. “I’ve heard so much about you, Ben. It’s nice to meet you.”

I exhaled a sigh of relief and noticed Ben do the same. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too, Jacob. You, Ellie, Hannah, and Kara go back to the diaper years, right?”

“Basically, yeah. Ellie is like a little sister to me.” Jacob nodded, and though no one else could hear Jacob’s subtle warning to Ben, I could.

Blair joined in. “It’s your birthday, also, right? How old are you?”