Page 19 of This Changes Everything

“I’m going in. This is what people do. I’m cool. I’m casual. This isn’t weird.” I realized I was talking out loud. “Shut up, you idiot, you’re talking to yourself!” Code Red. I was losing it.

From behind the bathroom door, I could hear a muffled “What?”

“What?!” I shouted back in a blind panic.

The front door swung open. The surprising movement caused me to jump. My instinct was to swing the bathroom door open and hide inside, concealing my nude body from Ben as he stormed through the front door. I slammed the bathroom door shut just as I heard Ben sing out, “Honey, I’m home!”

I faced the inside of the bathroom door, feeling relieved that Ben hadn’t discovered me standing in the middle of the apartment naked and talking to myself. Then I heard Ethan’s small voice behind me. “Ellie?”

Aghhh! I forgot about Ethan!

I spun around slowly with a fake smile plastered across my face. “Hey, Ethan. What’s up, bud?”

He looked me over and stammered, “What are you doing?”

“Just hanging out.” I leaned awkwardly against the door.

“Was that another guy I heard?” Ethan sat up in the bath, and I could see everything beneath the water’s surface.

“My roommate. He’s super cool, though, you know, with this whole thing.” My strangled laugh sounded like a dying whale.

An agonizingly long moment passed before another word was spoken. “It’s just, I’ve been in here for a while, and after the first five minutes, I didn’t think you were coming in. Then I didn’t know how to leave.”

“Oh, totally. Totally, totally. Totally.” I nodded like a bobblehead.

“I’m just surprised. Your nipples . . . This is all surprising at this point. Have you had kids?”

“THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY NIPPLES, YA FUCKIN’ MAGICIAN!” I screamed. I looked at Ethan, naked, and he looked back at me, naked.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

“How’s everything going in there?” Ben asked through the bathroom door. I could hear him swallowing his laughter as I burned brighter than the sun.

Later that night, Ben, Lucas, Zoë, and I were in line to get into Key One Lounge, a live blues bar on Bleecker that Lucas swore by. He promised he would get me in, but I had my doubts. We were twenty people deep in the line, but it was still moving.

“When did he leave?” Zoë asked before blowing warm air into her gloves.

Zoë had quickly become one of my all-time favorite people. She was the type of girl who always went for what she wanted. I envied her gumption. If she wanted to see someone naked, she would have no problem.

Zoë was invited to everything, but she didn’t always go. Being social fed her and fulfilled her, like every other extrovert, but she had dueling personalities that I found fascinating. She was soft and hard, sugar and salt, bold and terrified. Her traits constantly battled each other. I couldn’t wait to introduce Zoë to Hannah and Kara, and I worried about how quickly Jacob would take off his clothes if I ever introduced the two of them.

“Oh, Ethan took off right away. It was horrifying.” I opened my jacket and fixed my boobs in my bra. I saw Lucas’s eyes slip down to my chest, and I glared back. “See anything you like there, pal?”

Lucas shrugged. “They’re fine, I guess.”

Ben tossed his head back with a chuckle.

Zoë smacked Lucas in his puffy jacket’s shoulder, then asked, “Did Ben see you naked?”

“No naked Ellie for me. Though, trust me, I’m trying.” Ben smiled teasingly.

“It’s not an easy feat. Just ask everyone from my high school. That was always a fun joke. I mean, it took years for Rory to see me naked.” I shook my head, laughing at myself to cover the embarrassment.

“You’re not in high school anymore, and I’m not Rory.”

“You’re also not my boyfriend,” I bit back smugly.

“Neither was he.” Ben leveled his eyes at me.