Page 113 of This Changes Everything

“Someone named Craig.”

The silence on Rory’s end of the phone was so thick the car became suffocating.

Ben continued, “Then he said some shit about her to Ken. It wasn’t pretty.”

“Can you put me on speaker?” Rory asked.

“You are. You’ve been on speaker the whole time.”

“Ellie, you’ve got to talk. Tell me what happened,” Rory said.

We pulled up to a red light, and Ben turned to look at me, waiting for a response. “Come on, buddy.”

I wanted to talk, but I had forgotten how to find my thoughts. They were there, but I couldn’t catch them. Rory and Ben had both seen me suffer through panic attacks. It wasn’t a common occurrence, but they knew when it did happen, I would find my voice eventually. But I knew they needed to hear it right away. I put my elbows on my knees. The fact that I was moving at all was a good sign. I pressed my eyes into my palms and kept them there as I strained to grab my words.

“He . . .” I started. I kept my face in my hands. “Kissed me.” I pushed out the rest of my sentence through sheer force. “Shoved my hand down his pants.”

There was nothing but silence on the other end of the phone. The light had turned green, but Ben wasn’t driving. We were being honked at, so Ben pulled off to the side of the road and turned on the car’s hazards. Rory and Ben were both quiet, waiting for me.

I finally lifted my head and met Ben’s eyes. If looks could kill. “I don’t know how it happened.”

“Okay. Ellie, can I hold your hand?” he whispered, but loud enough so Rory could hear.

I nodded through my fog, barely noticeable. Ben picked up my phone from the dashboard, composed. He held it to his mouth, though it was still on speaker. His other hand took mine. “Rory?”

The sound on the other end of the phone changed from deafening silence to the drum of city life when Rory finally barked, “Yeah.” His angry voice sounded strained. He must have put himself on mute. I could imagine him holding his phone with two hands, bent over and screaming “FUCK!” as loudly as he could while standing on the sidewalk of a busy New York street. “I’m on my way to the airport. I’ll probably get in late. Ellie, baby, when you wake up in the morning, I’m going to be there.”

I nodded.

“She’s nodding,” Ben said, taking over for me. “Hey, Rory, I think you should know that I punched him.”

“You did?” Rory sounded surprised.

“Yeah. I hit him pretty hard.”

Rory cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re there, Ben.”

“I’ll take her home, but I’m going to stay until you get here. Is that okay?” Ben was asking Rory but looking at me.

“Whatever she wants. Whatever she needs.”

I nodded.

“Okay, she’s nodding,” Ben confirmed to Rory.

“I love you, Ellie.” Rory’s voice was heavy.

I nodded again.

“She loves you, too. See you when you get here.”

Ben clicked the phone off, and we drove the rest of the way to Highland Park in silence, with him clutching my hand.

Chapter 39

LOS ANGELES 30 years old

RORY ARRIVED AS BEN AND ZOË WERE EATING LATE-NIGHT VIETNAMESE food at our kitchen table. I was pretending to sleep but was really watching them through my open bedroom door.