Page 111 of This Changes Everything

“Big fan?” Ben asked through a smartass smile.

“I can’t stand this guy,” I whispered.

“Who is he?” Ben whispered, mirroring me as he always had.

“He’s the showrunner for Black Cross. He created it.”

Ben nodded and looked at Craig as he made his way across the parking lot. “I stopped watching that stupid show after season one. Don’t tell Craig how dumb and stilted I think his dialogue is.”

I laughed, and Ben looked back at me, his face softening.

“I should go.” He brushed my hair behind my ear, still quietly caring.

“I hope this isn’t inappropriate, but I’ve talked to Rory about it, so he knows, and I feel like I can say it to you because it’s you.” I took a moment to compose myself. “One day we’re all going to be gone, and none of it will have mattered. But I want you to know that I am who I am, because you were who you are. And I loved you.”

I watched tears build in Ben’s forest-green eyes,

Deep breath, Ellie.

“You’re the one that got away. And I don’t mean that romantically because my love for you went beyond that. I mean our friendship. When someone settles in your bones, they never leave you. And every time my bones creak and ache, I wonder if it’s because you’re not in my life anymore. You were my best friend, Ben. And you and New York . . . I’ll miss it for the rest of my life.” A few stray tears fell to my cheeks. I bit my lip, worried I had gone too far with my honesty.

Ben let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around me for a hug. He kissed the top of my head. “I miss you, too, Ellie.”

I smiled and pressed my face into Ben’s chest, a place I had lived and loved in a past life. “Was that weird?” I asked nervously.

“Yup.” Ben let out a small laugh. “But I wouldn’t have expected anything less.”

“Okay.” I felt lighter. I hadn’t realized that Ben’s absence from my life carried so much weight.

When I stepped out of his hug, I noticed that Craig had slowed his pace and was looking at us like he was trying to put together a puzzle. “I should see what this idiot wants now,” I whispered, barely audibly, as Craig closed the distance between us.

Ben chuckled softly. “I travel to LA a lot these days. Next time Rory’s in town, see where I’m at. We should all grab a drink or something.”

“I’d love that.”

“Okay. I should go.” Ben reached into his pockets, searching for something. “Actually, I think I left my sunglasses inside. It’s good to see you, Ellie.” Ben gave me one last smile before he jogged up the private staircase and ducked back into the building.

I turned to Craig. “What’s up?”

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Right now? New York.” I smirked to myself at the irony of Rory in New York and Ben in Los Angeles. “Why?”

“So, what was that with Ben Winters?” Craig walked around me in a way that forced me to move behind the stairs.

“He’s an old friend.”

“Seemed like more to me. You fucking around on Rory Campbell? That’s pretty hot.”

“What?” I sneered. “No. I’ve got to go. I need to run to a meeting,” I lied.

I tried to walk out from behind the stairs, but Craig leaned forward and kissed me. I was stunned—frozen solid for a full two seconds as his mouth moved over mine. When I lifted my arms between us to push him away, he took my hand and pushed it down his pants, then closed his hand over mine, over his dick, locking me in place. He quickly unsnapped his top button with his other hand to free himself, then groaned. “You like that? Fuck . . .”

Everything went blurry, then got prickly. It all happened so fast that I looked down and had no idea how my hand had gotten down his pants. It felt as if my head were crashing on top of my body like a boulder crushing a paper bag. I was caving in on myself. I lost my voice. I lost my words. I lost my thoughts. I lost everything.

And then everything inside me went black and rigid. I gripped Craig’s dick, beneath his hand, and throttled the shit out of it. He let go of my hand and started yelling at me, I think—I couldn’t be sure—but I screamed, too, right in his fucking face. I dropped his dick, and he darted up the private staircase, through the emergency exit door, and into the building. Again, so fast.

I don’t know how I got upstairs, but I did. It felt like I was floating. I walked down the long hallway, past legal, accounting, a kitchen, Black Cross’s writers’ room, editing bays, and multiple production offices, then pushed myself through Marie Street’s heavy black front door.