Page 108 of This Changes Everything

I took Rory’s seat on the hearth, between Jacob and Cameron, as Orson, Kara, Blair, and Zoë made their way over to us.

“How’s work?” Jacob asked.

“Work is, you know, work.”

Cameron jumped in. “Rory told us you’re writing a lot. Is that why you’re still there?”

“Wow. Okay,” I mumbled to myself. “Not really. I’m a development executive at a production company. I work with writers and other creatives, and producers, but yeah . . . Anyway, it’s a whole lot of everything and a whole lot of nothing at the same time.” I swallowed, reverting to the same insecurities I had always felt about acting or being creative in any way. I didn’t want to admit what I really wanted, to save the embarrassment of the inevitable follow-up questions: “How much money do you make?” “What have you been in?” “What have you written?” “Would I know anything you’ve done?” Nothing. Leave me alone.

Blair was next to speak. “Rory says you’re a producer. And he talks a lot about your writing. He thinks it’s great.”

“Well, Rory’s very supportive, and as my boyfriend, I’m sure he feels like he has to say all that.”

“That’s not true,” Cameron asserted, his face twisted. He was looking at me like I was a moron.

“Do you like writing more than producing?” Orson jumped in.

“Uh . . .” My eyes shot over to the stairs, in hope that Rory had magically put Grace to bed in seconds and was already on his way back. “Yeah, but I need to make a living, and my day job sponsors my visa and keeps me in the country.” My back tightened.

“Why’d you stop acting?” Blair followed up.

I pushed my face into my hands. “What’s happening right now? Why am I being interrogated?”

“Because Rory’s our brother, and we want to know what’s up,” Cameron answered confidently.

“You know you ambushed her the second Rory walked away, right?” Kara snapped at Cameron, defending me.

Things between Kara and Cameron had remained strained since they broke up almost a decade earlier, but at least they were talking again and had learned how to be in the same room.

“Are you coming to Vancouver, or is he going to LA?” Cameron continued, ignoring Kara.

I blinked, and my thoughts crystallized. “I’ve been gone for almost ten years, Cameron. I’ve made choice after choice that’s led me to where I am. And beyond that, I’ve had tunnel vision about my life for twenty years. Reconciling with the idea that perhaps I’ve been wrong for all that time is a hard thing to do.” I turned to Orson. “Do I miss acting and performing? A little. Do I love writing? Yes. When I’m writing, I can live inside my big, annoying feelings without fear, and I can turn my life into whatever I want.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, very aware that everyone was looking at me. “But I’m not a writer. I produce and I develop, and that career wouldn’t exist for me here in the same way as it does there. I miss Rory every second of every day. And even though I haven’t loved my life in LA, I don’t know who I would be without it. So I don’t know what to do.” I opened my eyes and tilted my head toward Cameron.

“Just know that your choices affect Rory, too.” Cameron wasn’t giving an inch.

“Let’s back off.” Jacob placed his hand protectively on my leg.

I remembered what Rory had said that morning and felt a calmness wash over me.

I think we became who we were always meant to be because we were apart. And the people we eventually turned into . . . turns out they were always meant to be together.

My eyes flipped between Blair and Cameron. Blair was now thirty-two. He had softened over time and was a divorced single father. Cameron was thirty and had hardened after Kara. The brothers continued to be fiercely loyal and protective of one another, and though they were concerned about Rory, I knew they felt the same loyalty and protectiveness toward me, too.

“Blair, Cameron, I love your brother. I always have. We haven’t figured out the future yet, but we’re figuring it out together, because it will always be Rory.”

Cameron nodded, and Blair bit his cheek, trying not to smile. I shifted my eyes to Zoë and Kara, who were smiling at me. Jacob gave my leg a loving squeeze. I turned back around to the stairs.

Where the hell is Rory?

“So, have these guys heard you sing yet?” Zoë nodded toward Cameron and Blair.

“No.” I sighed.

“Well, tonight’s the night.” Blair pressed his back against the fireplace. “We already heard Zoë rock out to Alanis Morissette before you got here. And Jacob sounded like shit. I don’t even know what he was singing.

“Post Malone. I was incredible.” Jacob took a sip of his drink.

“Not so sure about that,” Zoë teased Jacob from across the group.