Page 26 of I Still Love You (Citation Needed)

“Excuse me,” I said before going out the door when the women sat down with their backs to me.

I had minutes and knew exactly where Mason would be. I hoped he’d be alone. He was presenting right after lunch. I knew he would run through the presentation until the moment people started to arrive. I played the conversation in my head over and over as the elevator took me up to the main floor and I made my way to the right room. I was shocked to find it empty, but the slides were loaded and ready to go. I returned to the hallway and found a spot to think. I really wanted to talk to him before his session started. I wanted to explain myself and to help him feel the spark like he had in February when he had seen Cooper and me in his session. I wanted all the people here to know that I thought his session was important because it was. What could I say that would make him believe this and not what he had heard me say to Lois?

I looked around, hoping to see him. I might not have been out of breath from rushing up here, but my heart still raced.

“Penny? What do you want?” Mason asked when he saw me.

I opened my mouth to speak when three other people walked by and said hi to me. Fuck, the session was starting shortly. I didn’t have time to say everything I wanted, but I had to try to get him to apply for the WikiAcademia job if nothing else.

“I’m sorry you overheard my fight with Lois,” I said, words rushing out of my mouth.

Mason smacked his lips. “Well, you were always blunt about what you thought was good and bad for me.”

I frowned and clenched my fists. I didn’t like being called out for the worst mistake I had made in our relationship, but he wasn’t wrong. I had to sit with that discomfort. “You’re right. I didn’t understand what you wanted and I can’t say I still perfectly understand. What we both know is that you deserve that WikiAcademia job. We both know what it means to you. Do you really want tenure at the new version of Lacock State? Lois made sure you heard what she wanted you to hear, but has she talked to you about her plans to make you an administrator? I can’t believe that’s something you’d actually want.”

Mason raised those thick, dark eyebrows. “I don’t trust you to give it to me anymore than I trust Lois to do anything that helps me more than it helps her.”

I pursed my lips and clenched my fists. “I’ve only wanted you to have what would make you happy! If it’s tenure and a life in administration, then take it. If it’s the WikiAcademia job, then prove to the other committee members that any criticism I could have of you is wrong!”

Mason’s face got red, but I could see his body start to relax. Maybe I was getting through to him. I was running out of time and needed to be even clearer. I threw an arm out and pointed to the elevator. “The people making the decision wrote that job for you. They were going to invite you to apply all along. They’ve been trying to find the best alternative and failing. Even if I wanted to sabotage you, nothing I could say or do would convince them you’re not perfect for the job. Promise me you’ll give Cooper your resume.”

Mason looked at me and I heard his breath shaking. I didn’t know how to react, but I wanted to do something. I thought about reaching out to touch him but didn’t. It felt like that would be too much. I had one more thought that I needed to share.

“I don’t know what’s happened to you since we broke up, but when I saw you for the first time in February, you seemed like a different person. You weren’t the Mason I had once loved until you walked into my session at the conference. Then it was like you had woken up. Maybe you love the work you’ve done at Lacock State, but they’re moving in a different direction than you are. Get out before Lois sucks all the passion out of you for her personal growth.”

We stared at each other for a moment. I wasn’t willing to break off until I felt like my words had sunk in. “I have to go,” Mason said, getting to his feet.

I grabbed his arm as he turned and let it slide through my hand as he walked away. “Promise me, Mason. Do this because you want it and you would be brilliant doing it.”

He didn’t turn around, and I feared the damage had been done. I had to trust him to make up his own mind. I had shown him where the water was. Now I had to trust that he would go there and drink for himself.

Chapter Twenty

This feels like deja vu,” Cooper whispered as he sat down next to me in the room where Mason was presenting.

I gave him a tight smile. I knew what he meant even if the only similarity was the slides being projected on two televisions in the room and Mason standing at the front. Instead of a room set up for a class, this was a hotel event space with tight rows of chairs that seemed uncomfortable. I hung in the back row. I wanted to see who came to the session, and I wanted to be seen. This would be the best place for both. Mason wasn’t alone at the front of the room. Heather was there, anxiously moving around, playing with the laptop, and running through the slides. Lois, who was sitting in the front row, added to the anxious energy as she failed to support Heather. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I was curious to learn. The slides didn’t look different from the ones Mason had shown in Lacock. I had, at the time, assumed Heather had a larger role creating them than Mason did since he seemed flustered. Now I wasn’t sure about who had taken the lead originally. She should be more confident than she seemed.

Mason stood off to the side, ignoring Heather and Lois. He seemed calm and ready to go. He scrolled through something on his phone as we waited for the session to start. Lois cleared her throat, which was when Mason turned off his phone and walked to the center of the room. One of the volunteers shook his hand and pointed to where I was sitting in the back of the room. Mason and I locked eyes. He gave a curt nod, and I smiled before looking to Heather. Her eyes got wide and her face reddened when she saw me. Even Lois looked up and turned to see where Cooper and I were sitting. It didn’t matter what the others thought about our presence; as far as Lois and Heather were concerned, I was here to antagonize them. I didn’t need more proof that Lois still disliked me after all these years. For a moment, I wanted to antagonize her. I should move back to Lacock and call her out for stealing my work. I chuckled to myself and shook my head. I didn’t need to do anything that mean spirited.

“What’s so amusing?” Cooper asked.

I shook my head. “I’ll tell you another time.”

While we waited, I thought about how I had been spending the last six months chatting with Carrie Woodhouse about her hopes for Lacock. She had a grand plan to make the city a better spot for tourists coming for the new Northanger Park. It wasn’t going to be a large theme park like they had in Florida and California, but a small regional park designed to help the surrounding towns grow. Carrie wanted Lacock to be more accessible so everyone would feel welcome staying there, especially if there were no hotels on the park’s property. Heather may have tried to warn me that Carrie took on too much, but I wasn’t seeing any evidence of that. She seemed focused on getting funding for these projects and I had a great time helping her. Her excitement seemed to inspire others to help, which I found endearing.

After the event volunteer introduced Mason and Heather, the session started. As Mason had made clear back in February, Heather had been responsible for many of these slides. None had changed in the past six months, but she seemed irritated as the tech didn’t work for her.

“I’m so sorry,” Heather said with a nervous giggle as she advanced the slides too far. “The technology doesn’t like me today.”

“It’s not alone,” Cooper said under his breath.

I nudged him with my elbow.

“These slides aren’t in the right order,” she muttered a few minutes later as she advanced back and forth between different slides.

“Did she even prepare for this workshop?” Cooper whispered with a huff.

“Seriously,” a person said in front of us.