Page 16 of I Still Love You (Citation Needed)

“We need to make academics feel welcome again,” Mason said.

“As long as they play by the rules, they are,” someone else said.

I saw Mason’s face get red as he looked at the other speaker.

“What I’m hearing is that we need to find middle ground so academics feel valued, but know how to best contribute,” I said, trying to keep everyone focused. “I believe EncycloWiki is a unique place to communicate that has its own style. It’s more than an encyclopedia now. How can we show academics how to navigate this better?” I asked, extending a hand to Mason to let him respond.

“We need to train them like we train our students,” he said, locking eyes with me. “Making big, complicated topics something the general public can understand is important work today. This is an accessibility issue.”

I raised an eyebrow but didn’t respond. I waited to see if anyone else wanted to insert themselves while my mind went back to the day I met Mason and what we had done after purchasing our books. That was the moment I decided I wanted to sleep with him, but looking back, I was pretty sure I fell in love with him.

“What are you going to focus your research on?” Mason asked on our first coffee date as he followed me to a table with both our drinks in his hands.

I had put our shopping bags behind my chair in a large pocket where I could store all my things. I glared at someone sitting at the accessible table, guilting them into getting up and leaving with muttered apologies.

“I do a lot of accessibility advocacy work to increase the legal requirements and help companies do more in both physical and virtual spaces,” I said as we got comfortable.

“Like universal design?” he asked and took a sip of coffee, wincing as the hot beverage burned his lips.

I nodded. “Sort of, but it’s hard to gain the respect of old white men when I speak to their companies or testify in court. My mentor thought the PhD in sociology was my best bet. What about you?”

Mason smiled. “I think my research is sort of like intellectual accessibility. I’m researching how people learn new things with the internet. I’ve been increasingly focused on EncycloWiki and how it’s growing beyond being an encyclopedia.”

My eyes got wide. “I love EncycloWiki. I think they can do a lot for accessibility. Do you edit or just research it?”

Mason smiled and leaned closer to the table. “I edit while I sit and watch television. Do you?”

I nodded and gestured to my chair. “I started when I was in physical therapy to learn how to use this.”

Mason looked at my chair and nodded. I braced myself for him to ask me the probing questions that everyone seemed to ask, but he didn’t. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know. I would later learn that he wanted me to tell him when I was comfortable. Instead, we sat in the cafe for hours talking about EncycloWiki and planned to get together the next day to edit. I already wanted to sleep with him, but his care made me wonder how I could make it happen instead of keeping it a fantasy.

“Do you have any sources talking about intellectual accessibility?” I asked Mason when nobody else filled the silence.

Mason raised his eyebrow as he opened his messenger bag, one that he had been carrying around since I had met him in the bookstore over a decade before. He pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to me. “I always cite my sources.”

I took it from him, wondering if I should bring up the one time he hadn’t been able to cite a source. I decided against it since he didn’t seem to be here to restart that battle and looked over the list of sources. He had been keeping up with my research. Three of my recent articles about accessibility and EncycloWiki were on his list. I looked up and Mason’s eyes were still locked on mine. This was how we had often flirted in class. We would push others out of the conversation and focus on passing the conversation back and forth between each other. It was even how we flirted at home, each in love with the other’s mind as much as their bodies. We didn’t fight; we had academic discussions. We would end up at home, continuing the conversation until he lifted me out of the chair and we ended up in bed.

His passion for what he valued was one of the things I had loved about him. That’s why it hurt so much that our relationship wasn’t something he fought for. I had thought we were on the same page, but when he let me go so easily, I realized that he was more important to me than I was to him. If he had shown me more of a desire to find a compromise, maybe I would have been willing to change my plans. Instead, we ended up digging our trenches and forgetting that we loved each other.

This academic conversation couldn’t end with him lifting me out of my chair and carrying me off to bed even if I wanted it. This sheet of citations was an invitation to resume a pattern it would be easy to fall into, but I wasn’t the same woman I had been when we were together. He wouldn’t be allowed to chip away at the walls I’d so carefully erected over the years. He should have found someone else to challenge him intellectually, then maybe he wouldn’t be on the brink of losing tenure and, eventually, his job.

“I’ll consider this as we start brainstorming our new strategic plan,” I said and folded the paper before placing it in my planner. “Does anyone else have something they want to discuss?”

Chapter Thirteen

I’m so excited for the reception,” Lizbeth said as we rode the elevator down to the first floor lounge where the reception was taking place.

The campus had made this conference center a great space for different events. Hotels had one big space that they could divide up when smaller rooms were needed. If an event like this wanted to do a reception, they would break up the room as required. There were no windows, which made it feel small and tight. The reception room at Lacock State’s conference center was the opposite. It overlooked a grove of cherry and apple trees. Since I had left, they had added a rooftop garden and raised beds along the grove. There was a restaurant that served the produce from what was grown. When Mason and I had been together, we often came here to eat. It was one of the few places in the city that was accessible. The room was adjacent to the restaurant, featuring floor to ceiling windows that allowed a view of the grove. Since it was the middle of February the trees outside were bare and there were patches of old dirty snow on the ground.

“It would look so pretty with fresh snow,” I said without looking at Lizbeth.

“Who cares about the view?” Lizbeth chuckled and licked her lips. “Zach catered tonight because the campus didn’t have the staff to do this as well. I specifically asked for his pigs in a blanket to be served.”

As if on cue, someone came around with a platter of the hotdogs wrapped in puff pastry.

“He used everything bagel seasoning on the pastry,” Lizbeth whispered before taking three.

I tasted one, and it was delicious. There were lots of waiters with platters making their way around the room and a buffet of finger foods. This was going to be dinner for the night, so I put a plate together before finding a table where I could park. People came over to me and chatted, many continuing the conversation from my earlier session. Mason didn’t seem to be anywhere. I was sure he was handling something related to the final day of the conference tomorrow. For a moment, I debated saving him some food. but he wasn’t my responsibility to worry about.