Page 60 of An Espresso Machine’s Guide to Love & Mischief

I stare down at my hands, and strands of purple hair fall over my face. Purple hair like McKay’s.

I gasp and pinch myself.

“Owww,” McKay cries. “What the hell?”

“Just making sure this is real,” I tell her as it finally sinks in. I just hopped bodies, and I’m in McKay… but not in a strap-on way.

I wiggle my fingers and smile at the sensation. I’ve long since come to terms with being an espresso machine, but that was when I thought I’d be trapped in one forever. I didn’t know a body was possible. I forgot all the things I could no longer feel.

I do a little happy dance, but trip over my feet and land with a thud on my ass. “Ow! Ow!” I cry happily. It might be painful, but it’s a physical sensation, and I haven’t had one in over a year.

“You can’t be in here!” McKay shouts, her voice echoing in my head and pouring out of my mouth.

“Says who?” I demand.

“The contract. I’m a non-hoppable entity!”

“Apparently not.” I climb to our feet. How the tables have turned on the kidnappers now! “What are you going to do? Sue?” I snort, even though that’s exactly what I’d do.

“No. I’ll quit,” she snaps. “I’m not helping the other objects if you hoppers don’t stick to your end of the bargain. Trevor promised me no one would hop into me. It’s non-negotiable.”

“I don’t care what Trevor promised.”

“What?” McKay cries.

“I wasn’t part of whatever contract or agreement you made with him. I wasn’t even a body hopper until now.”

“Yes, you were, or you wouldn’t be able to hop,” McKay snaps. “Which means you’re bound by the contract. It specifically says all body hoppers trapped in objects.”

“I didn’t agree to anything,” I tell her. “You can’t sign a contract on behalf of somebody else unless that person gives you permission. I learned that when I got hired as a bailiff on a TV court show. That was an educational two weeks.”

“Okay, fine, forget the contract. I don’t want you in my body; you can’t do this without my consent. So you have to leave,” McKay cries.

“Well, I didn’t give consent to being kidnapped or unplugged,” I snap back. “And I’ll give you back your body back as soon as I get out of this place.” Assuming I can figure out how.

I’m not looking forward to being an espresso machine again, but I’m not an asshole body thief like Trevor. I’m just doing this to escape kidnappers and a bastard who wants me unplugged. This is self-defense.

“Wait a minute…” I pause. “Why weren’t Trevor’s bodies complaining? Are you telling me he got consent from all of them?”

“No, he can override—fuck! Don’t you dare—”

I focus on pushing her into a small room I imagine in the back of our psyche.

—override me! McKay switches from shouting out loud to shouting inside my head. How did you even do this? No one in an object has hopped out before.

“Hell if I know. Karma, maybe? A shaman once told me that if you mess with the bull, you get the horns.”

A shaman said that? That’s from The Breakfast Club.

“Fuck, I never joined a meal club, how would I know?” I say. “And speaking of breakfast…”

I grab the dining room cart and pull it closer to the table.

What are you doing? McKay’s voice echoes inside my head.

“Taking the espresso machine with me—us—whatever!”

I grab the machine and grunt as I try to haul it off the table. My every muscle strains—and fuck it feels good to have my limbs burn like that. To feel limbs at all!