Page 36 of An Espresso Machine’s Guide to Love & Mischief

I hiss. “We have forged alliances with the Mischiefs on this side of the subway line. The Yonge Rat Collective has devised the RIES—the Rat Information Exchange System—but we can’t stop the threats against our kind without the help of the University Avenue Mischiefs.”

“What is this RIES you speak of?” Queen Lettuce’s whiskers twitch. “Do you propose a Mischief summit? Or a council, perhaps?”

“I propose we use the Ratranet. Aero?” I turn to my second, and he hands me the small device he’s been hiding in his paw.

Gasps echo through the Union-Andrew delegation.

“Queen Lettuce of St. Andrew, may I present the Rataphone,” I speak loudly, my voice squeaking far and wide so her people can hear. “The device I hold in my paw is sized perfectly for rat use, and scratch-proof so our claws do not need to be filed down. It is also connected to modems positioned strategically through our tunnels, allowing every rat to communicate in real time with the touch of a finger.”

Queen Lettuce wrinkles her nose distastefully. “Thou speaketh of a cellphone.”

“Rataphone,” Aero corrects.

“Cellphone,” Queen Lettuce repeats. “Do not lie to us!”

“A Rataphone is not one of those human devices made for entertainment,” I tell her. “It allows us to form a communication network so we can monitor the movements of city workers and pool intel about threats to ratkind. Our intent is to warn each other when traps are set or poison is sprayed.”

Queen Lettuce inclines her head to the side to indicate that I should keep going.

“Someone at City Hall is responsible for this campaign, and the Osgoode-Andrew and Osgoode-Park Mischiefs may have overheard something of use.”

“Thou wishes for us to call upon our allies?”

“Yes. And in return, we will bring forward the Eaton Center Mischiefs. If we pool all our resources, we may be able to get to the bottom of this.”

“An interesting proposition…” Queen Lettuce nods.

“And…” This is the part that was hardest to convince my people of. I know it may not go over well, and think back to Aero’s words. Am I sure that this is a wise plan? Truthfully, no. But I know it’s the only way to keep my people alive—assuming it doesn’t backfire.

I take a deep breath and face Queen Lettuce. “Any rat under threat can take shelter in an allied Mischief.”

“What?” Her squeak of shock—or possible dismay—echoes around her.

“If the city is spraying St. Andrew Station, we will welcome any Union-Andrew rats into our Mischief until it is safe to return.” I pause, waiting for her to see the benefit. “You will return the favor and welcome us if King Station is being sprayed.”

The Union-Andrew rats erupt in angry squeaks.

My Mischief answers with squeaks of rage and rushes forward to stand around me, ready for an attack.

Chapter 17

Rollo

Queen Lettuce recoils. “Thou asketh us to allow thou into our realm?”

My Mischief squeaks in outrage. I raise a hand to signal to them to stand down. They back up, all except for Aero, who stands guard between the queen and I.

A Union-Andrew rat scurries forward and stands nose to nose with my second. They stare each other down while I address the queen. “We shall allow you into our realm whenever the city is spraying or trapping.”

More angry squeaks echo from the Union-Andrews.

“If we don’t band together, we will keep dying,” I say over the clamor. “We need to share information and provide safe spaces for each other. It is the only way we will survive these difficult times.”

“This beith a thinly veiled excuse for an invasion,” Queen Lettuce says.

“It’s time to put our feud behind us.”

“I heard thou chanting about tossing Andrews,” the queen counters.