Page 43 of Wynter

I was so sure of it all at the time. So sure I’d get her killed. And I couldn’t lose the love of my life, even if I’d already lost her. This way, at least I knew she was alive. Working a safe job somewhere. Dating. Getting married. Having kids.

But that wasn’t the real Wyn. She’d been running all over Europe instead. Facing criminals far more dangerous and more deranged than the dragons and meese I’d been hired to catch. Wouldn’t have bought any of it if I hadn’t made a call to an agency friend, who confirmed it was all true.

That for two fucking years, she risked her life without me by her side. I wasn’t there to protect her, and she was fine. I could have been there—could have been with her this whole time—if only I’d known. But if I had, I would have tried to stop her. For her own good.

What kind of messed up fuck does that make me? Thinking I was some hero for leaving the girl I loved behind. Commending myself because the only force stronger than my desire for her was the need to keep her safe. All this time, I thought she was alive because of me. That I’d saved her. And all I did was destroy the best thing I’d ever had.

“All right, we’re done. You still breathing?” Gray chuckles as she blots the ink with a paper towel one last time.

“Do another one. Here.” I point at my kneecap.

“Another snowflake?” Gray asks, surprised that I’m eager for another.

“Don’t know. Don’t care,” I snap. I’ve long since learned which parts of my body hurt to ink the most. And on days like today, I need the pain.

“Dude, I’m not going to ink your kneecap when I can see you’re in pain. If you’re going to be a dick about it, the door is over there. My boss will be pissed if I make you scream and scare off the other customers.” She crosses her arms as she rolls backwards on her stool.

“Please. I need this. I… don’t know where else to go.”

“Fine, but I will stop with the first swear that comes out of your mouth. How about something to bite on? Or I could turn on music? I usually like quiet while I work, but it might help you find clarity.”

I nod.

Except as Gray gets to work on another snowflake, clarity doesn’t come. The pain in my heart pulses in time with the music. And when we’re done, I feel like the same Terentius White who stepped through the door.

“One more, here,” I tap my other knee. “Please?” Because if Gray kicks me out, I don’t think I’d survive.

“Wanna talk about it?” Gray asks when my dark outline is done. “Nobody takes this much pain without a bad reason.”

“What’s there to talk about?” I ask. “I had a girl. I lost a girl. She’s better off without me.”

“You sure about that? Because you don’t seem sure about that.”

“I’m sure.” Because instead of protecting her, I nearly killed her instead.

I didn’t even know she was in Silver Springs. Never imagined that of all the towns I could have picked, I’d go with the same one as my Wyn. Or that I’d run into her at that cafe and she’d whip a coffee mug at my balls.

Next thing I knew, she was throwing shit at me. Lots of shit. Way more shit than she could throw when we trained at St. Vincent’s. And she didn’t even need to flick her wrists. Who knew she’d get so powerful? So strong?

I had no other way of stopping her. Of stopping a situation that was quickly spiraling out of control. So I created that sphere. To weaken her. To make her stop. And almost killed a baby—and my mate—instead.

Mate. I don’t know how it happened. Or where the mating bond came from. But I’m not surprised. I’ve always known Wyn was the one.

“Look, we all do stupid shit,” Gray says in response to my grimace. Not because she’s somehow reading my mind. “We hurt the people we love, and sometimes they hurt us. One choice can change someone’s life. Someone left me once, and while I hate his guts, my life would have been very different if he had chosen me. I would have still dealt with all kinds of crap, but we would have dealt with it together.”

She pats my shoulder, but her words only make me feel worse. Because she’s absolutely right. And if I’d stuck around, I could have been there to help Wyn. And we could have dealt with all the crap together.

Now, Wyn hates my guts, like Gray hates her ex. Which makes me think the two of them could be great friends.

“Is there any way he could win you back?” I ask Gray. Because maybe, just maybe, I could get Wyn back, too.

“I hear groveling works. Otherwise, you could try a heartfelt apology.”

Except how do I do either one when Wyn won’t even listen? First time I tried, we destroyed a cafe. Second time, the mating bond freaked me the hell out. Made me think that if any of the criminals I put away came after me, they’d harm her. And today, I spent half the morning tied to a chair. Totally worth it, in my books, but she’s still just as pissed as she was before I made her come.

I need to get her attention somehow. Flowers? Jewelry? Chocolates? Is any of that shit really going to cut it after all the pain I caused? And the years I wasn’t there?

I can’t think of anything I can give Wyn that she wants. That she doesn’t have. Except maybe the thief. A thief I couldn’t catch. Because the clue I told Wyn I found? Doesn’t exist. I just wanted to get her alone. Fuck, it was good, getting her alone. But things could be so much better if I just get her that thief. Emphasis on if.