Page 29 of Sunset on the Solstice

“No. Bar Harbor, mostly,” Shelby said.

“Bar Harbor! Wow,” Vivian said, shaking her head. “You are a long way from home. Do your folks come out here often to see you?”

Shelby wanted to tell Vivian to mind her own business. “No,” she said. “My dad died when I was a teenager, and my mom’s busy out in Nantucket. She’s a chef at a restaurant. It’s this cute little place over the top of my grandmother’s bookstore-slash-library. Very quaint, small-town stuff.” Shelby faltered, surprised that she’d given away so much information about herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d spoken so casually. She felt as though she’d betrayed herself.

“I’m sorry to hear about your dad,” Vivian said, furrowing her brow. “That’s tough.”

Shelby watched as her kids continued to splash, trying to relax into her breathing. She remembered what Vivian had said about loneliness, how being alone didn’t necessarily mean you were lonely. Shelby wondered if she, herself, was lonely. If, despite all she needed to do for her kids and for her husband, her heart ached to connect with another’s.

She wondered if Vivian could see Shelby’s loneliness plainly written on her face.

“Life isn’t easy, is it?” Vivian said sadly.

“It’s beautiful,” Shelby said, trying to brighten her own voice.

“It certainly can be,” Vivian offered.

Just then, Billy burst out of the water. There were black patches all over his arms and legs. Shelby bolted to her feet, crying out, “Billy, come here!” But she was already on him, pulling at the spots. They were leeches. He was covered in them. Shelby hurried to pull both Evie and Penelope out of the water as well. Evie had five on her thigh, but Penelope had only two—one on her stomach and another on her shoulder. Shelby only realized she was sobbing with terror when she had all the leeches off her babies and her babies in her arms.

Vivian was still there, trying to calm everyone down. Billy, Penelope, and Evie were frightened only because their mother was panicking, and they’d all begun to wail. And Shelby couldn’t calm down, no matter how much she told herself that everything was fine.

“It’s all right, honey!” Vivian said, squatting in front of her. “You got them all off in time. You’re a good mother. You always take care of them. And kids, they’re all gone, okay! The leeches are gone! Your mom protected you!”

But Shelby’s inner monologue was one of panic. All she could think about was that soon Jared would come home and learn about the leeches. He’d tell Shelby that she wasn’t watching them properly. He’d tell Shelby that she was a bad mother, that he couldn’t trust her with their kids. Maybe he’d say something like, “We never should have gotten pregnant with a fourth. You can barely handle three.” If he learned that she’d been talking to the neighbor during the incident, he’d blow a gasket.

“I really should get them home,” Shelby said, her shoulders shaking as she tried to get to her feet.

“What’s the rush?” Vivian asked. “It looks like you have plenty of food for the rest of the afternoon. Why don’t we just sit here in the nice weather and chat some more?”

But Shelby couldn’t manage more socializing. She wanted to board up the doors, turn on the air-conditioning full blast, and get under a blanket. She wanted to forget this day had happened.

Somehow, the leech incident fell out of her children’s brains, so much so that when their father came home two nights later, they didn’t think to mention it. Jared kissed Shelby on the cheek, then fell onto the floor with the kids, playing with cars and blocks until it was time for Shelby to put them to bed. As she read them stories and said good night, her heart stirred with love for all of them. Wasn’t this the beautiful story she’d wanted to build with Jared?

Downstairs, she found Jared at the kitchen table with a glass of whiskey. He was on his phone, scrolling through pictures Shelby didn’t recognize. He looked at peace, if exhausted. When she touched both of his shoulders, he flinched, as though he didn’t want to be touched.

“How was the trip?” Shelby asked him.

Jared couldn’t meet her eyes when he said, “It was fine. Fruitful. How were things here?”

“Good. The same,” Shelby said, because mostly, they had been the same.

The following morning, Shelby had a doctor’s appointment. She loaded the kids in the car, promising McDonald’s for lunch if they behaved. The problem with that, of course, was that Jared would flip if he knew. She had to find a way to ensure they wouldn’t tell him about that either.

At the doctor’s office, Billy, Penelope, and Evie became menaces in the waiting room, so much so that when it was time for Shelby to go back for her appointment, the woman at the front desk scolded her, saying, “This isn’t a daycare service.”

Shelby’s heart pounded. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You should have hired a sitter,” the woman said. “Or asked your husband to spend a couple of hours at home to help.”

Shelby tried to imagine asking Jared to babysit during the day and almost scoffed. “It’s up to me to take care of them,” she said. “They’ll be fine for a few minutes.”

With that, she entered the doctor’s office, closing the door behind her.

As this was her fourth baby, Shelby had assumed that everything would be the same as ever. She assumed that it would be a walk in the park. But after running a series of tests, her doctor looked at her with a grim expression and said, “I don’t want to sugarcoat things. The baby is severely underweight, so much so that I’m worried about your future.”

Shelby gaped at him. Underweight? “I’m eating,” she said, which felt stupid. Maybe she was eating a little bit less than she had when she’d been pregnant with her other kids, but she was also busier and more stressed.

“Listen, Mrs. Kissinger,” her doctor said, rubbing his forehead. “I know you have three other kids, and I know you’re the one at home all the time. I know you don’t have much of a break. But you need to think about your own health, especially now. It’s a slippery slope. Eat. More. Food. Eat protein. Eat carbs. Eat sugar, for crying out loud.”