Page 37 of Marrying the Silver Fox

Chris. My chest squeezes with pain at the thought of him not being a part of this.

I mean, I’ve known on some level since the day he died that my brother would never be part of my children’s lives, but now I can see it all too clearly. They will never even meet him. Never get a chance to know their uncle. And I know just how wonderful he would have been to my little one, how much he would have adored them, how he would have cradled them in his arms and looked at them as the fresh start that both of us had been holding out for…

No parents. No brother. No family.

Except the child I’m carrying inside me right now.

I take a deep, shaky breath, and force myself to rise to my feet, staring myself down in the mirror. I need to figure out a way to deal with all of this, as painful and ridiculous as it seems. This baby is relying on me, and I’m damn sure that I’m not going to let them down, not if I can help it. I might not have been given the chances I deserved when I first started in life, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of gifting my own little one something far better.

I have to tell Nikolai.

I don’t know what I’m going to say to him, but I can’t keep this from him, try as I might. I’m going to start showing soon enough, and when that happens, I don’t want to have to be worrying myself stupid over wearing baggy clothes and disguising myself from him.

No, better to come clean now and then we can figure this out together, instead of tormenting myself with the weight of holding it in.

I wash my hands, splash some water on my face, and pick up the tests. I know he will need to see them just to make sure he has no doubt. With how little faith he has put in me, I guess he needs to see proof before he trusts what I’m telling him.

I gather myself as best I can, and make my way through to his office, willing myself to stop shaking. I need to think about more than just what I want right now.

I need to think about what’s best for this child too.

18

NIKOLAI

“Nikolai?”

I hear Andie’s voice in the doorway, and I can tell at once that something is up. It’s not the authoritative tone she took with me when she came by telling me she had advice for me on the matter of the new venue for our gambling.

No, she sounds nervous, something I’m not used to hearing from her.

I put aside my papers and look up, finding her standing in the doorway, looking more pale-faced than usual. Her hair is messy, damp strands hanging down at each side of her face. She’s clutching something in her hand, though I can’t tell what it is from where she’s standing.

“What is it?” I ask, rising to my feet, brows knitting together with concern.

“Can I…can I talk to you for a second?”

I nod, pulling out a chair for her, placing a hand on the small of her back. I can feel that she’s shaking even from the barest touch, clearly struggling to keep it together in the face of whatever it is she has to say to me. I move back to my side of the desk, taking a seat and lacing my fingers as I study her for a moment, trying to work out what could have gotten her into this much of a state.

“What is it?” I ask.

She draws in a deep, shaky breath, and then holds out her hand to me without saying a word. I glance down at what she’s holding—and, for a second, I can’t make sense of it at all.

“What’s that…?” I murmur, twisting my head to get a look at the white, plastic strips she’s holding. And then it hits me.

Pregnancy tests.

I grab them from her, staring down at the results. Positive. Both of them. I glance up at her to find her chewing her lip nervously, staring at me as she waits for a response.

“These are…?”

“I just took them,” she explains. “I…I missed my period, and I just wanted to be sure, one way or another. I got one of the guards to pick it up for me, and I…”

She continues to talk, but all I can do is stare down at the tests I’m holding, my head spinning as I try to make sense of it. Andie is pregnant. She’s really pregnant.

I am going to have a child…

And this business is going to have an heir. Exactly what my father wanted. And exactly what I imagined I would have to find some way around if I was going to keep this marriage intact, without giving away the truth of what brought us together.