Page 41 of Three Hockey Hotties

I’m pretty sure I would have had dirty dreams even without that kiss but that definitely got me worked up.

I need to know what Sadie thinks. She’s much more adventurous than I am. Where my cancer journey and all that came with it made me cautious, hers made her daring and bold. She wants to live life to the fullest, experience everything she can, and never take any experience for granted. As we both know, you really never know what tomorrow could bring.

Me: Benjamin kissed me.

Sadie: !!!!!Yes!!! Omg, I love that for you!

Sadie: Which one is that?

Me: lol! The lawyer. Older brother.

Sadie: *sweating emoji* *sweating emoji* *sweating emoji* I’m so fucking jealous. And so fucking happy for you. I thought you’d go for a hockey player but good for you!

I want to tell her that I want Kane and Dash too.

I want to tell her I want to date all of them and have her tell me I should go for it.

Sadie and I are protective of one another, but she won’t tell me not to do it. She’ll tell me to go for it. She’ll tell me that even if it doesn’t work out, the experience will be worth it.

But will Sadie understand if I tell her that I feel connected to these three men somehow? That I feel like it’s already more than physical? That I feel protective of their hearts and their relationship and their futures?

If she told me that about three men she just met, I would be concerned. I would worry the men had somehow brainwashed her. Or drugged her.

Sadie: Where are you right now? Want to get breakfast and tell me everything?

Me: I’m actually still at their place. I’m going to have breakfast here.

Somehow, I just know there is a full spread breakfast waiting for me downstairs.

I look over at the white noise machine with a smile.

No way the guys would have that, along with the nightlight in the corner and the extra fleece blanket draped over the chair in the corner and not be planning to feed me this morning.

I somehow know all of those thoughtful, comforting touches are from Dash. But I’m guessing breakfast will be Benjamin’s doing. He’s the provider. They already told me that he keeps a well-stocked fridge and pantry for Dash and Kane, so I know he’ll want to be sure I’m well fed. I also won’t be a bit surprised to find he’s an excellent cook. He just exudes competence.

And I can’t wait to see Kane. He’ll be like a sweet puppy who is excited to see me and ready to play. I know he’ll make me laugh within the first minute of me going downstairs. Having someone enamored with me is just so nice. I often fade into the background. Kane actually lights up whenever our eyes meet.

It’s…addictive.

Last night was so amazing. Cuddling on the couch and watching movies, I had expected one or maybe both Dash and Kane to make some kind of move. I’d been prepared.

To let them.

I feel a flush crawl up my body.

I didn’t know how it would play out, exactly, but if either of them had kissed me, or even gotten handsy underneath the blanket, I would have let them.

And if the other two would have known about it, and let it happen…or watched…

I sit up in bed, not wanting to get all worked up again.

I am not going to masturbate in this bed with them all downstairs, and I have to shut these fantasies down.

The guys had been amazing. Comforting and affectionate, not at all inappropriate, and exactly what I needed.

I have to stop making it into something it’s not.

They didn’t give me space, but when they were close, choosing to be right next to me on the couch, it had felt…familiar. They hadn’t pushed for anything. Their touches hadn’t gone anywhere sexual, but they also hadn’t left me alone. It had felt as if they just wanted to be near me.