Page 49 of Capturing the Captain

Sasha glances at me before looking back at Diane's expectant face. “She’s just been working a lot. She’s been very busy lately which is why she sent me.” She smiles, holding up the two drinks.

“Well, give her my best, will you dear?”

“Of course.”

I wait until my aunt has moved onto customers sitting at the far end of the cafe before turning back to Sasha. “Do you see her much?”

“I’m actually staying with her. I don’t think she should be alone right now.” She tells me and a horrible sense of dread settles in the pit of my stomach. “It’s really bad, Josh. When she’s not at work, all she does is cry or sleep. She’s barely been eating. The only thing that makes her eat is when I threaten to shove the food down her throat. And even then she only takes small bites and moves the food around her plate to make it look like she’s eaten more. I don’t know what else I can do for her.”

Hearing all that is like taking a massive blow. I feel like I’ve been struck in the chest. I don’t know what to say. What can I say? Olivia won’t want me to help her. She can barely take the time to glance in my direction when she thinks I’m not looking.

“Anyway, I should probably get back. I don’t like leaving her for too long.” Why doesn’t she want to leave her? Does it go a lot deeper than she’s making out? Does she think Ollie would hurt herself if she’s left alone for too long? Fuck! My mind is reeling, my muscles are tense and I have a throb starting behind my eyes. “It was good to see you, Josh. Really.” She tells me, grabbing her things from the counter. “Please don’t tell Olivia I told you all that.”

“I won’t.” I promise her. I won't say anything to Olivia but that doesn't mean I won't be checking up on her. When Sasha gets to the door I call her name and she spins around, “Wait one minute.” I tell her before running into the back and grabbing two blueberry muffins from the kitchen. Charlie had a frozen batch that she made a few days ago for emergencies and to me, this is one. I bag the muffins before going to the main cafe again.

“Give these to Olivia.” I don’t know if they’ll help much but if it gets her to eat, I’m glad to help. When we were together, one of us would come in here every weekend that we were free and pick up two blueberry muffins. We’d share them over coffee and talk about our week. Even though we knew exactly what each other had done that week, we kind of made it a ritual. We would sit and talk for hours about everything and my chest aches at the thought of not experiencing that again.

Sasha nods at me in a silent thanks before leaving. I thought Ollie was on my mind a lot before, now it’s constant.

30

Olivia

Sasha is my best friend and I love her. But right now I really need her to leave me the fuck alone. She thinks I’m depressed but I’m not. Okay, maybe I am a little bit… fine a lot depressed but not in the way she thinks I am. She doesn't trust me to be left alone. I think the longest she has left me in my apartment alone was for thirty minutes and I’m not even joking when I say she called me every five minutes. I was tempted to turn my phone off but then I knew she would rush home to make sure I was okay.

Sash has slept in my apartment, in my bed for over a month now. She’s been working from home, well, my home, the whole time, only going into the office when I have to go to work, which lately isn't very often. I’ll shoot events that the team has and games but as soon as they’re over I go straight home. I haven't been to my office for almost two months. When I was in there all I could think about was the time that Josh bent me over my desk and fucked my brains out and then hiding under it when Katherine came in. She kept asking me why I was so flushed and sweaty and I told her I think I was coming down with something. Thankfully hearing that, she stayed at the door, not wanting to risk herself getting sick.

Seeing Josh breaks me. He’s been so distant with everyone. Conor’s worried about him and asks me every week if I’ve spoken to him yet but I just can’t. It’s not my place anymore. Not when I’m the reason he’s like this. He’s been playing like shit, missing passes, not scoring, and he’s been so aggressive to the other teams they've played, attacking them for no reason.

I’ve heard talk that if he keeps it up, he’ll lose his captain title but according to Conor, he doesn't care. That’s what makes this so much worse. Hockey was Josh’s life and I broke him. I’ve reduced him to nothing.

Honestly, the feeling is mutual. Not even watching re-runs of Friends is easing the mental pain I’m in.

Sasha has been nagging at me for weeks now about not eating. I don’t understand what she wants me to do when I have no appetite at all. It’s got so bad that when she’s not looking, I throw my food away. Or if she asks if I’ve eaten, I tell her I have when all I’ve really done is pull some leftovers out of the fridge and throw them straight into the trash. I have tried to eat but I just can’t. Everything makes me nauseous. Thankfully, she believes me because even though I haven't been eating, I'm somehow gaining weight. It’s a mystery. I know with my pill, sometimes I can gain weight, other times I don’t. It’s like every batch affects me differently.

I'm nauseous all the time now too. I get like this when I’m stressed. It happened after my dad left. I was sick all the time and had to be prescribed anti-sickness medication to make it stop. I don’t want to see a doctor this time though. What’s the point? It’ll go away on its own. Although if I had to spare myself the embarrassment of Daniel Michaelson watching me throw up in the stadium parking lot, again, I might be open to some form of help.

Oh, and if Sash tells me to shower one more fucking time-

“Oh good, you're up!” Sasha singsongs, drying her wet hair with a towel but still leaving a trail of water droplets onto the floor.

“Yep.” I reply, popping the ‘p’, no enthusiasm in my tone whatsoever.

“Are you ready? We have to go soon.” She tells me, piquing my interest.

“Go where?”

“Your doctor's appointment. They called last week, remember?” My mind is drawing blanks. How do I not remember this? Sensing my confusion, Sash carries on, “For your pill refill.” She draws out the last word, giving me a look of confusion that matches my own.

I rub at my eyes with the palm of my hands. “Sure.” I say, standing from the couch. “I can go alone.”

“Don’t be silly, Liv. I’m coming. Gotta support my favourite girl.” What’s there to support? I pee in a cup, get my blood pressure checked and then leave. She’s smiling at me but I can't muster the energy to return it. I merely grunt in response, leaving the room to go change.

Why are doctor’s offices always so cold? Not physically cold but like just that feeling. They’re always so dull and lifeless. And why the hell do they set a time for an appointment when they are always running behind? I’ve been sitting here with Sasha at my side for over thirty minutes now. My appointment was supposed to be twenty-five minutes ago. I am bored out of my skull and there’s a guy sitting next to me that stinks so bad, I feel like I’m gonna be sick.

“Olivia Evans!” I breathe a sigh of relief, partly because I’m finally getting seen and partly because I can breathe again without vomit tickling the back of my throat.

Sasha, of course, comes into the room with me. I’m surprised she isn’t sitting on my lap at this point. I’m even more surprised when she doesn't offer to hold the cup while I pee into it. I don’t know why she hasn't slapped me yet. Or just left me the wallow in my own misery.