Page 80 of Anthem of Love and Loathing

“I remember. I woke up with the worst hangover.”

“I came to find you.” She pulls a pillow between us and hugs it to her body.

“I don’t remember that.” She’d been asleep when I’d crawled into bed next to her. And then barely talking to me for the wedding.

“She was draped all over you. Her clothes were piled on the floor.” Her voice grows cold and wet. She has this distant look in her eyes. “So were yours. The room smelled like sex. Tell me again how you weren’t fucking her.”

“You’re wrong.” Acid rises in my throat, my stomach hardens. Tits rising and falling, a woman’s weight pressed into her hands on my chest while she rides me. Blonde hair tumbling forward over her shoulders to get in my face.

“Are you going to puke?” Kelsey sits up when I do. She hurries out of bed and rushes around to my side before dragging one of my arms around her shoulders and using her weight to steady me. “Can you make it to the bathroom?”

I cover my mouth with my hand as the acid bites in the back of my throat. We stumble into the bathroom, and I sag to my knees in front of the toilet.

These images are from a dream. Not from some night I don’t remember. This is bullshit. I didn’t cheat on Kelsey. I was in love with her. We’d been wasted on multiple occasions since we started screwing around too. Never once did I even imagine being with anyone else.

I sure as shit never would have fucked her over with Sonatina of all people.

I heave over the toilet seat, emptying the contents of my stomach.

So why is my cock screwed up when it comes to fucking blondes?

Guilt. Because it happened. Because I didn’t remember but it’s been messing with my head this whole time. Why didn’t I remember? Heave.

I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth when there’s nothing left to bring up.

I cheated on Kelsey. Even though I don’t remember it, I screwed Sonatina. “I slept with her. Didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” her emotions are so thick, the pain emanates from her.

My shoulders shake and I sob. “I cheated on you.”

She touches my shoulder, and it burns like fire despite my leather jacket between us.

I wrap my hand around hers as fragments come back in pieces. The argument with Kelsey because Sonatina had tripped her and I hadn’t supported her. The blur of performing with Sonatina even though I didn’t want to. Having one last drink with the woman because I didn’t want to deal with what I was certain was Kelsey overreacting.

Waking up on the couch. Alone. When I should have been next to Kelsey. Telling myself that I didn’t notice the perfume on my clothes. Telling myself nothing could have happened, because I would never ever do that to Kelsey.

If only we could go back, I would do it all so differently.

But we can’t. We’ve both done things that can’t be undone. “Will we ever be able to forgive each other for the shit we did to one another?”

“I punched Sonatina. You slept with her. Those two things are not remotely in the same bracket.” She removes her hand from my shoulder.

“You almost cost the band everything.” I haul myself to my feet. “And then you move on like our friendship didn’t mean anything to you. Got yourself knocked up. Where’s the baby, Kelsey? Who’s the guy? Is he who you’re hiding from?”

That shuts her down real quick.

“Nothing to say?” I advance on her.

“Thanks for reminding me that you’re a prick as well as a cheater!” She snaps at me as I crowd her against the wall.

“I’m a prick. But you’re a thief. And a vandal. And you’re acting like a slut with my bandmates.”

Her hand makes contact with my cheek before I can blink. Her heated gaze instantly turns shiny.

“What the fuck?” I snatch her hand out of the air. My cheek hurts like a son of a bitch. The sting turning into a burning sensation.

“Don’t ever call me a slut again, asshole.” She tries to tug free. “Let go.”