Page 108 of Anthem of Love and Loathing

How the hell could I be so stupid? How did I not notice?

His arms are a solid band around me. “Not unless you want to have my baby.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

37

Riot

Kelsey stiffens into a statue in my arms. Her rib cage doesn’t move for a good twenty-two seconds before she takes her next breath.

I wasn’t planning on getting into what I learned from her diary and memento box tonight.

Okay, I definitely was ready to drag her out of her bunk and confront her, but then the storm had started, and I remember how freaked out Kelsey would get. I didn’t really understand why until tonight. Until she begged me to pin her down and obliterate memories she refused to talk about.

Whatever Marco did to her—and I don’t need the details to hazard an educated guess—left her terrified of storms.

Too many of the women who are my friends and family have been through things they shouldn’t have had to. Things they would sooner forget. Attacks that have left them feeling weak—like my sister-in-law Summer. Turned into shells of themselves—like my friend Rochelle. Or even left them a little psycho—like my sister-in-law Dizzy.

Kelsey had always seemed untouched. Okay with her body and sexuality. It lulled me into falsely believing that her past with her piece of shit foster brother had only been mildly harsh instead of the absolute nightmare it was.

I never had cause to put the pieces together.

I thought I knew the woman who was my best friend. I believed her fear of storms was just that. Making sure her fear didn’t overwhelm her became my priority.

Until I realized we didn’t use a condom.

Which is neither here nor there at the end of the day. I’m clean, and I believed her when she said she hasn’t had anyone else. The contraceptive angle can be taken care of with the morning after pill.

But the baby she was carrying when she left me... I need to know.

“You called her Harlowe Maddox,” my daughter’s name falls from my lips. Harlowe is a beautiful name. One that we would have chosen together had I had a fucking clue about her. “You have a lot to confess, don’t you, Kelsey? More than I thought. And you want to make sure you only tell me the truth about this. You were pregnant. At the wedding.”

She stays silent for a very long time. Eventually she says, “I was.”

“You found out the night we left for Heart Ranch.”

“Sam made me test. I didn’t believe for a second that I would be.”

“But you were.”

“Yes,” her voice is a mere whisper, labored with emotion.

“But you didn’t think I deserved to be told?” I can’t keep the bitterness out of my tone. I should have been the first person she came to.

“I wanted to tell you.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you?” I tamp down on the tension increasing inside me. This conversation is too important for harsh words and screaming.

“Because you asked me to be your girlfriend. You were telling your brothers about us.”

“That shouldn’t have been a reason to keep her from me. It should have been a reason to tell me. We were together. We were supposed to be together.”

She flips over to face me. “We were so together you ended up fucking another woman at your brother’s wedding. I wanted to tell you about the baby. I wanted to share that news with you, but it didn’t seem like the right time or place. I didn’t want your family to assume you were with me because you knocked me up.”

“They wouldn’t have.” They would have believed we were in love and that we were happy.

“They might have.” She glares at me. “I never thought our entire friendship could blow up in one long weekend. I was going to wait until we got back on the plane to tell you. Only I never got back on the plane.”