Page 191 of Beasts of Mine

“With you.” Luca confirmed immediately, his gaze steady on mine. “If you want help, I'll help. I'm not going to reorganize your life because I get nervous.”

“Good.” I told Luca as some of the tension left my shoulders.

Then I looked toward Malek. He hadn't said much. Cedar and damp earth had grown heavier while the rest of us talked, not aggressive or overwhelming but strong enough that I knew exactly how much effort was going into his silence. His posture remained controlled, though one hand had curled loosely against his thigh.

“Malek?” I asked as I turned toward him, letting the question sit instead of trying to guess what he needed to say. His golden-brown eyes held mine for several seconds.

“You want this?” Malek asked, his deep voice controlled even though the tension in his scent said everything his face didn't. There were uglier versions of that question he could have asked. Why isn't this enough? Why do you need to go? Why would you choose somewhere else for that long? He didn't ask any of them.

“Yes.” I told Malek honestly. “I do.”

His jaw tightened, and for one horrible second I prepared myself for him to tell me not to go. Some unfair part of me almost wanted him to, if only because then I would have something simple to argue against instead of sitting here with his fear and my excitement existing side by side.

Malek drew in a slow breath before releasing it.

“Then that matters.” Malek told me as he gave one deliberate nod, even though accepting the answer clearly wasn't easy for him. I watched him for a moment before leaning forward.

“You don't have to pretend you're okay with the distance.” I told Malek as I rested one hand against the table. “I'd rather know what you're actually thinking.”

“I'm not okay with it.” Malek answered immediately, some of the restraint easing from his face now that I'd given him room to say it. “I hate the thought of you being somewhere I can't reach.”

The honesty didn't scare me nearly as much as it might have a few weeks ago.

“But you're not going to ask me not to go.” I told Malek, watching him carefully.

“No.” Malek answered as his hand slowly relaxed against his thigh. “Wanting you close doesn't make every choice I would prefer fair to you.”

My chest tightened.

“I don't want any of you pretending it doesn't bother you.” I told all three men as I looked from Malek to Luca and Tavian. “I'm not asking you to be happy every time I leave. I just need to know that missing me won't eventually turn into expecting me to stop.”

“It won't.” Luca promised as he met my eyes, his quiet purr continuing beneath the words.

“I will definitely complain about missing you.” Tavian admitted as he lifted one hand slightly, his face serious despite the wording. “But I can complain and still know the decision is yours.”

“That is surprisingly mature.” I told Tavian as one corner of my mouth lifted.

“I am often mature.” Tavian replied with exaggerated dignity, although Luca's expression suggested that statement would not survive close examination.

“I'll have to learn how to do this.” Malek admitted as he stepped closer to the table, vulnerability roughening his usually controlled voice. “Knowing you're safe somewhere I can't reach isn't something I've had to practice.”

“I know.” I told Malek quietly, my attention staying on him. He hesitated before turning one hand palm-up on the table between us. He didn't reach for me, and that small choice mattered enough that I placed my hand in his without thinking twice. Malek's fingers closed gently around mine.

“I don't want to become someone you start hiding things from because you know I won't like them.” Malek told me as his thumb moved once across my knuckles. “Or someone you feel like you have to get away from before you can do what you want.”

“You aren't.” I told Malek as I curled my fingers around his. “And I don't want to assume every protective instinct you have is automatically a threat to my independence either. If we're going to keep doing this, I need to trust you enough to tell you when something matters to me, even when I know you won't like every part of it.”

Malek watched me for a long moment, the tension in his face easing a little.

“I can do that.” Malek told me as the cedar around him returned to its familiar steadiness. “I might not do it perfectly.”

“I don't need perfect.” I told Malek as I squeezed his hand. “I need you to talk to me.”

“I can do that too.” Malek replied as the faintest hint of amusement touched his expression. Listening to him, I had the sudden urge to say the words I'd spent half the afternoon trying to process.

I love you.

They were right there.