Page 22 of How I Ruined Everything by Kissing My Roommate

I hadn't saved myself. I had just finished the job Riley started. I had pushed away the only person who truly saw me, all because I was afraid that her feelings were real.

“What have I done?” I asked myself as I sat down on my bed.

The silence of Room 418 wasn't a sanctuary. It was a prison.

Episode 6

The morning light in my dorm room was gray and unforgiving. It didn’t slice through the window with its usual promise; it just sat there, illuminating the layer of dust on my unused brushes and the terrifying, hollow neatness of Sophie’s bed.

For months, I had fought for this silence. I had treated quiet like a currency, something I could hoard to keep the world from finding me. But as I stared at the empty space where Sophie usually sat to drink her instant coffee, I realized I’d made a terrible mistake.

I had finally gotten exactly what I asked for: I was alone.

Riley hadn't ruined me. I was the one finishing the job.

Every brick I had laid since junior year—every cold shoulder, every "no-fly zone," every sharp retort—wasn't protecting me from future pain. It was protecting the memory of Riley’s betrayal. It was keeping that moment in the storage closet alive, holding it close like a jagged shard of glass I refused to put down. I had been so busy guarding the wound that I’d forgotten how to let it heal.

And Sophie. God, Sophie.

She was the most honest, wonderful thing that had ever happened to me. She didn't whisper apologies that felt like curses; she shouted her affection from the rooftops of crowded parties. She didn't play games; she waited. She had stood in the middle of my mess and waited for me to meet her halfway. And when I finally did, when things got real and visible, I had used the very trauma she had helped me carry as a weapon to drive her away.

"I ruined it," I whispered into the empty room. My voice sounded small, a fragile thing against the vastness of the silence. "I actually ruined it."

I thought about her face when she left—the way her eyes had lost their light, the way her shoulders had slumped under the weight of my accusations.

I grabbed my phone, my vision blurring. I couldn't call her. Not yet. I didn't deserve to hear her voice. Instead, I messaged the only person who could tell me the truth without sugarcoating it.

Iris: Is she with you?

The reply from Maya was almost instantaneous.

Maya: She stayed on Mark’s couch. She looks like someone kicked her dog, Iris. What the hell did you do?

Iris: I panicked. I said things I didn't mean. I think I lost her, Maya.

Maya: You didn't just panic, you self-destructed. Look, Sophie is at the stadium. It’s the final game. The scouts are there, the whole school is there, and she’s out there trying to lead a team while her heart is in pieces. Do something. If you let her walk off that field today thinking she was just a temporary date to you, then you really are as broken as you think you are.

The honesty stung, but it was the jolt I needed. I stood up, my heart hammering against my ribs. I couldn't just sit here.

I looked around the room, my eyes landing on the corner of Sophie's desk. Tucked under her lamp was her ‘lucky’ team scarf—the one she wore to every pre-game warm-up, the one she’d forgotten in her rush to get away from me.

I grabbed it, the soft knit feeling like a lifeline. I threw on my jacket, and didn't even stop to check my reflection.

I didn't care about the labels anymore. I didn't care about who was watching or what Riley would say. I didn't care if the whole university saw me fall apart. The only thing that mattered was that Sophie knew that I loved her. I’d fallen for my sunny roommate and she was the only choice I ever wanted to make.

I burst out of my room and began to run.

The air inside the athletic complex was humid and heavy with the scent of deep heat rub and adrenaline. I felt entirely out of place in my heavy jacket, my heart hammering a frantic rhythm against my ribs as I navigated the maze of corridors. I was looking for the one place I knew she’d be trying to find a moment of peace before the chaos of the championship game.

I pushed open the heavy double doors to the women's locker room. It was mostly empty, the rest of the team already out on the pitch for warm-ups, but I found her in the very back corner, sitting on a wooden bench in front of her locker.

“Sophie.” I was breathless, but I’d found her.

Sophie looked up, and the sight of her nearly stopped my heart. She looked exhausted. Not the physical exhaustion of a long season, but the soul-deep weariness of someone who had given everything only to be told it wasn't enough. She didn't have her game face on. She just looked like a girl who had been hurt by the person she trusted most.

"Iris," she said, her voice low and guarded. She didn't stand up. She just sat there, her hands resting loosely on her knees, her jersey bright against the drab metal of the lockers. "What are you doing here? You should be at the gallery or... wherever you go to stay safe."

"I don't want to be safe anymore," I said, my voice raw and shaky. I stepped further into the room, the heavy thud of my boots echoing off the tile. "There’s something I didn’t tell you yesterday. I ran into Riley."