Page 87 of Trove’s Purpose

But no. She was just looking. Listening. Waiting. Open and unjudging.

“I want you,” he said. “Every cell in my body longs for you. I want to be around you. I want to hear you talk. I want to see your joy. I want to banish your pain. I want to drown you in pleasure. If nothing else, I know I can give you that. But my cock refuses to rise. It can’t harden. And I can’t have you touch me. Even you. Because I’m broken. Because I was forged into a toy and now you must suffer for it. And that is why we cannot work. I cannot be a mate to you.”

There.

That was all of it.

She knew his entire shameful history. He didn’t feel shame about murdering his aunt and mother. He would do it again, gleefully, if they appeared before him now. He was no longer a gangly adolescent, made weak and gaunt by years trapped in a small basement. He was strong, lethal, and untouchable, and it would be fun to show them agony equal to the ecstasy they demanded before.

But he hated that his mate must be the one to pay the price for his past. He hated that he couldn’t be a full male for her. He hated that he craved and hated sex in equal measure. He hated his body for betraying the one female it should give everything to.

Weak and useless and purposeless.

“Would it help if I don’t touch you?” Chee asked.

Chapter 28

Chee

It was a horrible story. She hated hearing it. She hated seeing Trove in so much pain as he recounted the details.

And she was also proud, in a strange way. Hearing how he had taken the tools given to him and made them into weapons – literally and figuratively – was incredible. He screamed for help, but unlike for her, help didn’t come. So, instead, he helped himself. It was incredible. Horrible, but incredible. But she didn’t think he saw that yet.

He had become hypersexual as a result of his past, but he also couldn’t bear a female’s touch. So, he indulged with prostitutes.

But she couldn’t handle that. She couldn’t share him that way. However, if he needed to work out that trauma in his past through her body, she was willing to let him use her that way. She was his mate, after all, and there were much worse things than just lying there, accepting multiple orgasms.

“Do you need to tie me up?” She asked, raising her hands. “Would that help?”

Trove stared at her, like he wasn’t believing what he was hearing.

“I don’t know that this is the healthiest coping mechanism,” she admitted with a shrug. “But I don’t know that it’s the worst. Especially if it’s focused only on me. Can that be our deal? Like, do whatever you need to do, but only do it to me?”

“You would…” Trove shook his head. “Chee, I don’t want to use you like that.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You’re not a prostitute. You’re not just a nameless female I’m paying for the night.”

“Exactly,” she nodded along. “I’m your mate. And I want to help you through this. And if this is our starting point, so be it. Everyone heals differently and at different paces, and I’m willing to meet you where you’re at. And right now, you’re here. So, hands tied or just out of the way?”

Trove continued to stare at her for a long moment. She wiggled her fingers with her wrists pressed together, illustrating her point. Waiting for him to decide. Waiting for him to accept her offer. And trying to prepare herself in case he said no. She couldn’t force him to accept her, after all. If he didn’t want this…

“Hands tied,” he finally said, only a hint of guilt in his voice. “Not forever. Just until I… I…”

“Until you trust I won’t touch you again without your permission?” She finished, easily guessing the ending.

Something flashed in his eyes. Pride and despair. “You are a clever female.”

She beamed, holding out her arms. “I’m an adaptable one as well. And flexible.”

She wasn’t the only one. Trove ripped the belt from his jumpsuit and wrapped it around her wrists, so quick and deft, she barely had time to flinch. She didn’t recognize the knot, but when he was finished and she tested the tie, it didn’t budge. It wasn’t super tight, and the cloth wasn’t harsh against her skin, but it wasn’t going anywhere.

Chee let out a cry of surprise when Trove suddenly shoved her back onto the bed. She clenched her fingers together and forced herself to put her hands over her head. She immediately had the urge to grab him, to hold onto him for stability as he moved over her. To resist, she shoved them into the bed and clenched them tight to keep them there.

“I want you to scream,” Trove said, focusing her back on his face as he grabbed her shirt. “I want you to shake. I want you to come until you lose your mind. And when you’re begging me to stop, that you’re too sensitive, I’m going to keep going. I won’t stop until I’m done. Understand?”

She nodded. Not entirely sure she did, but willing to go along with it.