Page 33 of Our Chaotic Love Affair

The only argument against it was sitting eight feet away from me at the dinner table, looking unfairly composed for a man who’d been kissing me breathless twenty minutes ago.

What if it turned into something wonderful?

I moved food around my plate and tried to erase the idea of me and him having a chance. But it had already made itself comfortable. Melody’s love story had blindsided her completely. She hadn’t seen Austin coming. Hadn’t planned for him or strategized around him or worked him into her life goals. He’d just happened, and everything had rearranged itself around that fact. Now she was pregnant and getting married on a beach in four weeks and glowing like a human nightlight.

What if something like that was trying to happen to me? What if I kept saying no to it because it wasn’t convenient or logical or because the man in question was Lurch himself?

Austin was nothing like Lurch. He smiled and knew how to have fun, which was actually how he wound up with Melody. Cash was the exact opposite of Austin. I could not imagine myself enjoying spending time with someone that had a permanent scowl.

I took a long sip of water and told myself to get it together.

“This sea bass is unreal,” Melody said from across the table. “I want to put it in my pocket and save it for tomorrow.”

“Please don’t,” Austin said. “We’ll get you more sea bass. We don’t need to hoard it.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one eating for two.”

I smiled at them, and for once the warmth wasn’t something I had to manufacture. They were ridiculous and easy and completely in love. Even with everything churning around underneath my ribs, watching them still managed to make the world feel like a slightly better place.

I glanced at Cash without meaning to. He was already looking at me. He dropped his gaze back to his plate immediately. I did the same.

The courses kept coming. I kept eating. I kept not tasting any of it.

“I wish we could stay for another week,” Melody said. “I love hanging out with you guys.”

“We have to get home,” Sylvie said. “But we should definitely plan another trip out here. It was a lot of fun. I love the ocean.”

“I’m headed back to the city tomorrow,” Finn said.

“Los Angeles?” Cash asked.

“New York. A quick stopover.” He winked to indicate stopover was a code word. “I met this chick in Ibiza. Man!”

Kent snorted. “Of course.”

“Legs. That’s all I’m going to say. Just legs.”

“Please say more than that,” Austin said. “Or significantly less. Pick one.”

Finn flashed a grin at Cash. “If you saw her, you’d adjust your entire Rome schedule to make something work. That’s the level we’re talking about.”

He winked at Cash, and Cash made a face that successfully communicated everything he thought about that level of information sharing at a dinner table.

I looked down at my plate. That electricity that had been zinging through me turned in a full-on lightning bolt that I wanted to direct at Finn for even suggesting Cash hook up with another woman. I refused to call it jealousy because I had absolutely no claim on Cash Bancroft. I had no business feeling anything about women with legs for days.

My cheeks burned.

I was so annoyed at myself I could have screamed. I have no right to be jealous. He’s not mine. One kiss did not commit us to one another.

And honestly, would Cash ever pick me over a woman with legs to her ears? I was sure he dated supermodels and women with a single-digit size.

I hated that thought the moment I had it. Hated the insecurity that had produced it. This weekend had done something to me. It opened up something I usually kept sealed tight. All of it had been working on me like water on rock. It was eroding the self-confidence I’d always had. I didn’t get jealous or envious. I loved who I was. I loved being me.

But dammit. How can I not wonder what it might be like to be someone a little different?

I straightened my spine, reached for my wine glass, and reminded myself of a few important facts. I was Cleo Quinn. I had a purple streak in my hair that I’d chosen deliberately and loudly and without apology. I was a social media genius.

There was nobody like me. That was not arrogance. That was just the truth.