Page 52 of Penn

“How did you do it?” I whisper. “How did you stay so strong when you were doing everything on your own? How did you look at her every day and know you were making the right decisions?”

That’s really the root of my issue. How am I supposed to be a good mom and make good decisions when raising my son or daughter when I don’t actually know what it means to be a good parent. My own were too busy drowning in their sorrows or causing them to be much of an example.

“I need you to wake up and tell me your secret, Misty. Because I have to admit that I feel like I’m drowning.”

Nothing. No reaction.

I sit in the weight of my confession as if it’s made the air around us heavier. In a way it has, but I feel a little lighter. Confessing my fears has made me feel a little better, even if I don’t have any answers. I suppose they’ll come eventually.

“Zep is having a hard time, Misty. He blames himself,” I say, releasing her hand and leaning back in the chair. “He thinks he did this, and he’s beyond terrified of having to take this baby and Bernie home to raise on his own. He needs you. Everyone does.”

I study her face, trying to figure out if she looks paler than the last time I saw her or not. I can’t imagine having to have a blood transfusion is much fun, but she looks okay. Not too sickly. That has to be a good sign, right?

Bernie walks into the room carrying a small white cup, her purple glasses slightly fogged from the steam. “Look, Dixie! Zep got me the fast soup. The ones with the stars.”

“That’s super cool,” I say. “Did you save me any?”

“No,” she says, her tone serious as she shakes her head. “It’s too hot for babies. But we should have brought you something. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was just kidding.”

Zep walks to the other side of Misty’s bed and kisses her forehead. “It was silly to hope.”

“No, it wasn’t,” I say with a soft smile. “I was hoping you’d come back up and have the surprise of your life, too.”

“That baby’s being released tomorrow morning,” he says, his voice quiet. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Pulling myself out of the chair, I walk over to him and take his hand. “You’re going to be a dad. You’ll take that little girl home, and you’ll take care of them until Misty can come home, too.”

“She doesn’t have a name yet,” he whispers. “How can I take her home if she doesn’t have a name?”

“She will,” I say with a wink. “Have faith. I do.”

“I have faith!” Bernie all but screams.

Looking at that little girl with unwavering faith and innocence fills me with hope. It’s a sudden, sharp wave of hope, and I feel it in my gut. Everything will be okay.

“That’s exactly what you need to have,” I say and kiss the top of her head. “Enjoy your soup, Bernie.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Zep says, taking my hand.

The desperation in his tone stills me. “I can stay for a little longer. I don’t need to let the dog out for a little while.”

“You have a dog?” Bernie asks. “We just have cats. Peanut Butter and Chunky. I wonder if they’d like your dog.”

Zep looks a little relieved as Bernie starts rattling off everything that comes to her mind about the animals, and I sit back down to give her attention. Give him a little time to be alone with the woman he’s scared to death of losing.

It’s heartbreaking but beautiful at the same time.

Chapter 20

Penn

The doctors are in with Misty and Zep, so Dixie and I sit on the hard waiting room chairs with Bernie as she flips through a magazine for kids. Something with bright colors and more cartoons than the comics section of the Sunday paper.

“Stop it,” I say as Dixie fiddles with the hem of her jeans.

“Stop what?”