Page 6 of Tame Me

“I don’t know, honestly. I’ve uh… Done a lot,” I admit.

“So we can just be mindful of where you are as we explore new things,” he says. “Where is your level of comfort with penetration?”

“How the fuck can you be so casual?” I snap but stop and close my eyes. I take a deep breath because I know it’s just a question. He won’t know unless he asks me. When I open my eyes, he and Reid are smiling.

“Good girl, Ayla,” Reid praises. My cheeks flush, and I smile.

“Thank you,” I say softly. “Uh… Sex has always been uncomfortable for me. So, I don’t know.”

“Uncomfortable how?” Thane asks.

“Physically,” I say. “Being dry fucked, no matter the size of the person, doesn’t feel good.”

“Meaning you aren’t usually aroused when you have sex?” he asks, and I shake my head.

“My body would react to… I didn’t want it, though. It wasn’t like that. It’s not like… I couldn’t make it stop,” I say, my words spilling out faster than I can process them.

“Slow down,” Thane instructs. “You have been aroused, but it was only during something non-consensual. Am I hearing that correctly?”

“Yeah,” I say, looking down at my hands. I see that I am rubbing the scar again, so I tighten my hands into fists for a moment before relaxing them.

“Who?” Thane asks.

“My dad,” I whisper.

“Okay. First, look at me,” Thane says. I look up at him as tears silently fall down my cheeks. “That is not your fault. You didn’t ask for that or deserve it.”

“I couldn’t make it stop,” I whimper.

“Your body has certain jobs to do, Ayla. You have thousands upon thousands of nerve endings, and they all have one job to do—React when they are stimulated. Those nerves do not give a rat's ass if it wasn’t consensual. They get stimulated, and they do their job. Sometimes a mental block can shut that down because your body isn’t getting those signals. Biological females can orgasm at almost any age because that is what those nerves do. Your body doesn’t require permission to do what it’s been designed to do. It sucks, and it’s a horrible feeling to process, but do not blame your body; blame the person who hurt you.”

“He thought I was my mom,” I sigh. “She died having me, so he stayed drunk and… well, fucked me.”

“Rape,” Thane says. “Your father didn’t fuck you, Ayla; he raped you.”

“Let’s go through your trauma,” Reid says. “What led to your hospitalization?”

“I tried to kill myself,” I say.

“Tell me about that day,” Reid says.

“Uh… Well… It was my last day before school break. I went to a professor’s office to get a letter of recommendation for an internship. He apparently wanted payment for that act of kindness, so he bent me over the chair and fu… Raped me.”

“How did you react in the moment?” Reid asks.

“I froze and went limp,” I say. “I was remembering when Dad died.”

“How did your father die?” Thane asks.

“Three months before this, I went to check on him, and he raped me,” I say. “But then, he, uh… they said it was a heart attack.”

“While…” Reid asks.

“Yeah… He died balls deep,” I say bluntly. “Every man’s dream, only it was his kid.”

“That’s awful,” Reid says. “I’m sorry you had to experience any of that.”

“He realized it was me,” I say, and they raise an eyebrow at me. “He actually looked me in the eyes for the first time ever during this and said my name like he was shocked, but he was coming… then he just grabbed his chest and fell on me.”