Page 58 of Tame Me

I’m going to lose my goddamn mind if we don’t get to her soon. I’m trying to maintain everything at the Institute, but I want Ayla back. All of us are losing our minds without her.

Dad has confirmed what property she is at, but there’s literally never any movement there. Josh never leaves the house, so we don’t know much. We know Declan got himself in trouble with gambling, so he is quite possibly being held there also, so I am praying that he is helping her.

More than likely, Josh has figured out who my family is. That might be why even he isn’t leaving. He’s not stupid, and he knows what will happen if my father gets a hold of him. He doesn’t know much about me because I have separated myself in that life, but I can’t help but feel guilty. Maybe Declan would be in a better place if I hadn’t walked away. Maybe I could be running things, and Dad could finally retire. Could I even maintain that I am Meridian? None of that matters until I get Ayla back.

I am lying in bed with Reid and Giovanni. I know they are awake. We are just staring into the dark, not speaking. Not touching. We miss her so fucking badly; we don’t even really do much besides look for her, talk about her, or discuss what we will do when she gets back. We know she will get back, but we don’t know who we will get back when that day comes. There’s no telling what he’s been doing to her.

“I miss her,” Giovanni says, breaking the silence.

“Me too,” I say.

“Can you imagine how she would have doted on you after the shooting?” Reid asks.

“Does she even know I’m alive?” Giovanni asks.

“It will be a nice surprise,” I say.

My phone suddenly screams in the room, and we all jump, not expecting it. Reid tosses it at me. I see it’s an unknown number, but answer anyway. There’s no real good reason why someone should be calling me at two in the fucking morning.

“Hello,” I grunt.

“Thane…” he says breathlessly. “It’s Declan.”

One Hour Later

I am twenty-seven weeks pregnant with a baby girl. Part of me wants to be excited, because I love babies, but the other part of me knows that I likely won’t even get to hold her. As long as she is safe, I’ll be okay. Declan said he will be the one to take her to Thane, and no matter what happens, he will keep her safe.

Every day, Declan wakes me with breakfast. When I get done, Josh comes in and fucks me. I take a shower and scrub myself raw. After that, I read or write until lunch. Declan will usually eat with me, and we will play card games or something. After, I will try reading or something until Josh comes in to fuck me again. I’ll take another shower and go back to entertaining myself until dinner. That’s when Declan will bring me downstairs to eat with Josh. He will have me clean up, since the maids are done by then, and then he will make me join him in his room. This is just so he can make me suck his cock while he watches football. When he’s done with me, he sends me to my room and comes behind me to lock me in. I have an ultrasound every two weeks, but Josh has finally stopped coming to that. He just has Declan update him.

I also learned that Declan not only lives here, but the vent in my floor directly routes to him downstairs. I only figured that out because I heard him talking to Josh.

Basically, Declan is here specifically because of me and Thane. Josh figured out who Thane’s family is, and apparently that is the mafia. I don’t know the details, but I do know that Declan got into a lot of trouble with debt. Josh paid it off and essentially owns Declan. As long as I am here, so is he. His entire job is to make sure I stay alive and give Josh a kid. Josh says all of this is because Thane killed Joe, but literally no one talks about Joe. I don’t think that they really liked him all that much. So why? I can’t understand why Josh hates Thane so much.

I am lying on my bed poking my stomach, watching my belly jump. She’s always very active in the evenings. I decided that her name is Grace. I don’t know about a middle name, but Thane and Reid can decide when they get her. I try not to think about Giovanni because the thought of him not being in this world is heartbreaking. I miss all of them so goddamn much, but it’s his death that might actually break me. I spent so much time meditating to try and cope with all of this. I have a couple new scars, but overall, I’ve done well with not self-harming. I write out my anger and breathe through the sleepless nights when nightmares plague my dreams. I’m using everything my men taught me, plus everything I’ve learned from Declan. He taught me how to calm myself in the moment when I’m angry. That was something I always struggled with, but I have him to thank for this progress.

I would be a goddamn liar if I said that I didn’t love Declan, but I do. He’s been a constant in my life for the past four months, and one of the reasons I haven't killed myself already. I know I could survive without him here, but his presence has brought me so much strength. When I finally get out of here, I don’t know where I will be in regard to him. I don’t know what his relationship is like with his family. He doesn’t really talk much about them, but he looks up to his brother.

“Hey,” Declan says, rushing into the room so fast that it freaks me out, jumping up.

“Jesus, dude. What the fuck?” I ask.

“You need to find a way out of here tonight. I don’t care what the fuck you do, but you need to run. I can cause enough of a distraction after dinner, but you really need to fucking go. Okay?” he says, grabbing my face and talking to me with a hushed tone.

“What’s wrong? You said not to run?” I say. “What’s…”

“He’s going to sell her, Ayla. He just said on a call with someone that as soon as you have her, he’s selling her to some man who makes movies. Movies, Ayla. Child porn. You need to get you and her out of here.”

“Fuck. Okay. Uh… how am I supposed to do that?” I ask.

“What is your routine when he takes you in his room at night?”

“He usually just has me blow him while he watches TV. Sometimes he fucks me. Really, it’s just him getting himself off,” I say. “He did say that he wanted me to ride him.”

“Does he have you get undressed?” Declan asks.

“No. He refuses to buy underwear, so he just pulls my dress up and fucks me,” I say. “Why?”

Declan pulls what is undeniably a switchblade from his pocket and shoves it down between my breasts. “Use it. Get out of here, Ayla. Tell my family I love them so fucking much and I’m so sorry. Please, Ayla. You have to get the fuck out of here. Stab him in the fucking throat and leave.”