Page 42 of Toxic Kiss

Haven is mine.

No…she’s not mine. Some POS that goes by Charles has her. But I want her anyway.

I stand, grab a beer I don’t need, and shouldn’t drink, before wandering over to the window. The view overlooks the crowd gathering below. I like venues attached to a hotel. It lowers the risk of being mobbed.

Thousands of screaming fans are already clamoring to get in, a sea of neon signs and homemade shirts. All of them are here for the show. It’s still hard to believe that we made it. And no matter how many of them show up, or how many arenas we sell out, I still wonder if I’m good enough? Or am I just another chump limping by on my looks and mimicking those who came before me and were far greater than I can ever be?

My eyes shift to Haven in the reflection. I try, but I can’t look away. The glass is just like real life, where she is a ethereal image that haunts me.

Ledger walks by and bumps my shoulder. “You okay, Cy?”

“Fine.”

“You look like you’re about to jump out the window,” Ledger says.

“Don’t tempt me,” I say, taking a swig of the beer.

He laughs, but there is a thread of caution in his tone.

“Do you think drinking is a good idea?” I glance at him.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I just mean with all the shit you’ve had going on lately and well…”

“My history?” I give him the full weight of my stare, as annoyance crawls up my spine.

“Well…yeah, and no. I’m just worried. I mean, you said yourself you are going to lay off the pain meds and alcohol.”

I look him up and down.

“Okay, mommy. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“Funny. You’re the one who said it, not me. I’m only looking out for you. You know being a friend. But do whatever the fuck you want, you will anyway.”

Ledger crosses his arms as we quietly square off.

He’s right, but the ache in my bones has been building all day, it’s a dial slowly turning up. It’s enough that I can’t ignore it anymore. One beer won’t kill me.

“You’re not subtle, you know,” he whispers, glancing over at Haven as he changes the topic.

“Subtle is boring.”

“Jealousy’s worse,” he says, gripping my shoulder. Ledger stares at me for a beat, but he moves along when I don’t answer.

I stay by myself. Because if I go over there, I may say something I can’t take back. And contrary to popular belief, I’m trying not to be confrontational.

Focusing on the crowd below helps. They are dancing as if the music is already playing, and my mind drifts to a different time.

“What the hell is she doing here?”

Haven is looking around, so obviously out of place at the beach party.

“Dude. How many times do I have to tell you that Haven is my friend? I asked her to come and want her here,” Patrick says, taking a sip of his drink.

I look up at him and groan. “Fine, whatever.”

“Be nice to her. I’m sick of being in the middle of you two. I don’t even know why you hate her.”