Page 236 of Toxic Kiss

He holds up his hands and shakes his head.

“You’re right, there isn’t.”

He stops and just stares at me.

“Okay…do you want to elaborate?”

“I do, I’m just…everything I say feels like an excuse, because it is, and I’m struggling to find the right words. Anita left a lot out of her version, and most of what she claimed was taken out of context.”

“Okay, so tell me your side, that’s why I’m here.”

He sits back and stares off into the distance. I can almost feel him pulling us back into time before he speaks.

“I want to start by saying that no matter how Anita and I got together, I never should’ve pursued anything until after your mother passed.”

“I agree.”

Dad takes a deep breath, then looks me dead in the eyes. It’s the most serious I’ve seen him in a long time.

“Your mother and I kept our issues from you, but we were in the process of getting a divorce. The paperwork had been drawn up, and everything was civil. We’d fallen out of love. It happens sometimes, and we both recognized it. And before you ask, yes, we tried marriage counseling and took trips together to try to reconnect. Eventually, we decided it was best for everyone if we went our separate ways.”

My jaw drops with shock.

“Your mother had already signed the papers, but I was away in Europe, speaking with new artists and a major investor. The trip took longer than expected. I was gone a whole month and hadn’t signed yet.”

“How do I know you’re telling me the truth?”

“Haven, I’ve never lied to you. There was just no point in telling you this story when you were so young and grieving your mother. As time went on…it didn’t seem important. You were unaware that Anita and I had started seeing each other before your mother passed. I thought it best to let the memories rest.”

When I don’t respond, he points to his desk.

“I can prove it, if you like? I keep the paperwork in my desk. I can’t bring myself to throw them away.”

He gets choked up for a second, but in his typical fashion, he shakes it off.

“Just keep going for now.”

“While I was away, your mother went in for testing. She hadn’t told me about her health issues. We’d already drifted so far apart that she didn’t feel it was right to share. Charmaine was always very private that way.”

I nod, knowing that to be the truth. Mom even kept her diagnosis from me up until right before she started chemotherapy. I guess she was worried I’d notice her getting sick and decided to tell me.

“When I returned home, Charmaine tried hard to keep it together. But I knew your mother, and she was scared. The results came in a few days earlier. It was colon cancer that had already metastasized. I decided not to go through with the divorce. We argued about it, of course. Your mother was strong and determined. She didn’t want what she deemed a handout from anyone. I simply refused to sign the papers. After that, we agreed to continue as if nothing was wrong until your mother’s cancer went into remission.”

Dad shakes his head and folds his hands in his lap.

Tears sting my eyes, while my mind and heart are a twisted mess of emotions. Not because I don’t believe him…but because I do.

“Charmaine was a year into her treatment when I met Anita. She approached me at a hotel bar in Atlanta. I was there for work, and we hit it off. I’ll spare you the details, but we were intimate. She took my number, and when I got home, I told Charmaine about her. I want to be very clear here…I’d never been unfaithful to your mother until that weekend. I’m not saying I’m some paragon of virtue, but we hadn’t been romantically involved for two years at that point.”

He stands up and walks over to the small bar in the corner to pour himself a drink. I don’t say a word. I’m not even sure what to say. All I know is that my heart aches from all the lies and omissions.

He slowly turns to face me.

“I swear to you, Haven, I had no plans to see Anita after that weekend. I confessed what happened and told your mother that it was a one-time thing. But she said that technically, we were already divorced. She smiled and said that as long as I kept it discreet, I could see whoever I wanted.”

Dad sips his drink and shakes his head.

“I’ll be brutally honest and tell you something that I’ve never told anyone. At the time, it felt like a get-out-of-jail-free card. I was lonely and felt useless when it came to your mother and her care. She was suffering but didn’t want my help. I offered to go to appointments, and she refused. I showed up to one, and she ordered me to leave.”