Page 210 of Toxic Kiss

“What?” That’s the only word that will come out of my mouth. “Does Cy know?”

Crossing his arms, he walks toward me.

“Are you kidding? He doesn’t have a clue, and I don’t want him to.” He sighs, and I realize how much telling me this secret weighs on him. “I should’ve told you a long time ago, but I just…I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. No one knows but you, Haven. I should’ve trusted you.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. Fear, I guess. If no one knew, especially Cy, then there was no risk of him treating me differently. It’s stupid.”

“Do you think he would?”

Patrick shrugs. “Don’t know. Never wanted to find out. I kind of hoped he would just wake up one morning and feel the same way. Stupid fantasy and all that shit.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I know he’s not into me that way, but…I can’t help how I feel.”

“I get that, I do. Cyrus is like a black hole that sucks you in.” Patrick looks away from me. “But…”

“I know, you don’t need to say it. I’m a shit friend. I’m sorry. I mean it, I’m done with him. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched him treat you like garbage and felt so guilty for not stopping it. I’ve turned into someone I don’t like for a boy. I’m a fucking cliché.”

Needing a moment to gather my thoughts, I suck in a deep breath.

“Patrick…I’ve always loved you. You’re my best friend. Have been since we first learned to walk. I came here tonight to salvage our friendship. But...Cyrus will never change. I have to accept that. And despite you saying all the right things…I don’t know if I can trust you.”

He steps forward and gently grabs my shoulders. His warm chocolate eyes beg me to forgive him.

“I know…what can I do? Tell me, and I’ll do it. I’ve been a fucking dick, but I don’t want to lose you. I can’t. I can’t even picture my life without you in it.”

It hurts way too much to look at him right now.

“I don’t know.”

“Anything. Name it, Haven.”

“There is no quick fix for this. You’re talking years of slow decay. Cyrus is a fucking disease that rots everything he touches. I can’t just come up with a random task for you, and call us even. It doesn’t work like that.”

“You have to know that Cyrus only does this insane stuff to you because he loves you, right? I mean, I’ve been silently seething and jealous over that for awhile now. It’s confession night, apparently.”

I scoff and hold the towel tighter.

“Yeah, okay…sure. So, you’re telling me that you want him to throw your food on you, almost drown you, humiliate you at every turn, and piss all over you?”

“No. But I am serious. Cy can’t deal with his emotions. It’s why he lashes out. I’ve been trying to get him to see the truth, but he’s terrified of feelings. He acts like loving someone will kill him, literally.”

“So, you’re saying that I should forgive everything he’s done because underneath it all, he loves me?”

Patrick’s hands fall away as he shakes his head.

“No. There is no excuse for how he has treated you. I’m just saying he doesn’t hate you. He bullies you cause he’s in love with you and can’t face it. Having you around drives him crazy. He wants you but doesn’t dare show it. And if anyone else is interested, then he feels compelled to step in and embarrass you or ruin it somehow because he wants you all for himself.”

“Sure, me and the three hundred other girls he parades under my nose.” I run my hand down my face, trying to clear my head somehow. “This is ridiculous, I don’t even know what to say to that.” I look down at the red marks on my arms. “I’m literally covered in his piss and look like I’ve been whipped with an electrical wire, and you say he loves me. If this is his love, then I never want to see his hate.”

“You’re right, I’m an ass. Let’s get you cleaned up and in clothes.”

“I’m not going back into that house. I’ll clean up at home.”

“You can’t drive home like that. You’ll get pulled over and arrested for indecent exposure. The cop will have a heart attack, and then your father will when he finds out.”

“I don’t think my father cares what happens to me anymore.”

“That’s not true.”