Page 181 of Toxic Kiss

He laughs, and it sounds so real. It’s warm and echoes off the walls, it’s…Patrick. I swallow hard, glancing around and trying to remember if they stabbed me with something. Am I really dreaming? As stupid as it is, I look around for my body.

“Stop that. You look like an idiot. You’re not dead, and you’re not losing it.”

I glare at my best friend.

“I beg to differ. I don’t normally have ‘I see dead people’ moments. So excuse me if I’m not handling it the way you think I should.”

“Ah ha. There is the sarcastic asshole we all know and love.”

He slowly stands from the mattress, rolls his shoulders, and steps closer.

I slowly stand but hold perfectly still.

“Okay. If I’m neither of those things, what is happening to me?”

He shrugs.

“Beats me, but you obviously needed me here. So here I am.”

I look him over, but I can’t see through him.

“I fucking miss you, man. You always kept me from being the worst version of myself,” I say, pushing off the wall and taking a step closer. “I was such a fucking prick, but I could’ve been so much worse. Fuck, you should be here, not me.”

He screws up his face.

“Yeah, cause the band would’ve done real well with me fronting it.”

I laugh, and a tiny bit of the tension I am clutching releases.

“You sounded like a cat being murdered.”

“Shut up. I wasn’t that bad. Such an asshole. Good to see some things never change.”

The smile slowly falls from my face.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? I’m the one who got behind the wheel of the car.”

Tears sting my eyes, and each one feels like a razor cutting as it slips free.

“But you never would’ve been in that car if it wasn’t for me. It’s my fault. You’re dead because of me. I killed my best friend.”

Patrick is standing right in front of me. Goofy smile on his face, eyes understanding, exactly how I remember them. He grabs my shoulders, and I look at his hands. Suddenly, I don’t care how this is possible.

“It’s no one’s fault but my own. I knew that I was in no shape to drive, but that didn’t stop me.”

The night of his birthday comes crashing back. I shake my head as the pain claws its way out of my chest one agonizing inch at a time.

“No. I pushed. I did what I always did. I pushed too hard. I couldn’t help myself, and you were right. Every word you said was right. I was acting like a piece of shit asshole, and I was out of line. I went too far, but you paid the price for my actions. I can’t forgive myself for that.”

I’m laughing and chugging a beer with one of the jocks when Patrick storms up and shoves me in the chest.

“What the fuck was that? Haven will barely speak to me, who knows if she will forgive me for this.”

“So, what. Good riddance, it was time that she finally took the hint and fucked off.”

He shoves me again. “No. You’re the one who needs to fuck off. I’m so tired of this crap. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell you that Haven is my friend and to leave her alone, you just keep at her. I don’t get it. She’s a good person, the kindest fucking person I’ve ever known and you torture the shit out of her.”