Page 262 of Vexatious Queen

1:45 AM

Nash

I didn’t knock. I stood there with my fist raised and thought about what to say. Then, I listened to the quiet on the other side, like it might tell me whether I was about to lose my wife or just another piece of her faith in me.

Trying my luck, I knocked once.

“Go away.”

I exhaled through my nose. “No.”

Ren yanked the door open. Her eyes were red, but not puffy, crying red. The kind of red that meant she’d already broken and stitched herself back together without me.

That hurt worse.

“What do you want, Nash,” Ren asked flatly.

“I want you to yell at me,” I said. “Because you’re doing that thing where you go quiet and pretend that you’re fine, and that scares the shit out of me.”

She laughed once without humor.

“You don’t get to be scared. Not after you set this all in motion.”

I stepped inside and shut the door behind me. The room smelled like her. Warm, comforting, home. I would never feel guilty about Sabastian, but I did about everything else.

“Ivy called,” she said before I could speak. “She thinks I did this. She thinks I chose you over her. Over my friendship or morals.”

I swallowed. “Ren⁠—”

“She’s not wrong,” she snapped. “You all made a choice without me. Again. You decided who deserved protection and who didn’t. And it didn’t matter what I thought or felt as long as you got your way.”

My jaw tightened. “That’s not fair.”

“No?” She stepped closer. “You put cocaine in his trunk, Nash. You set him up for drug trafficking or intent to distribute or god only knows what else.”

“Sabastian is not innocent,” I shot back. “He’s Christov’s son, he’s unstable, and he’s already hurt people.”

“Oh my god! And that makes it okay?” Her voice cracked.

“Yes, there was a real threat.”

“No. You treated him just as my mother treated you. You looked at him and judged him based on his father. You don’t get to decide who gets destroyed just because you’re afraid. That is something your father would’ve done.”

Fuck. She wasn’t pulling any punches.

“I’m nothing like him, and I’m not afraid,” I growled.

She shook her head.

“Nash, wake up,” she said, paralleling the words I’d said to Sabastian. “You may not be like your father, but you still acted like him. And yes…you are afraid. You’re terrified of losing me, so you would rather burn the world before it can touch me.”

I opened my mouth to dispute what she said, but I couldn’t. She was fucking right. I would destroy everything and fly her away if I thought it would keep her safe. I would kill anyone who hurt her. No question, no guilt.

“I would do it again,” I said, quietly admitting the truth. “If it means you’re breathing tomorrow, I’d do it again. I can’t apologize for that. I can’t say I’m sorry because I want you to live and…I just can’t.”

Her shoulders slumped as if I had finally admitted her worst fear.

“That’s what scares me, Nash. It’s what scares me about all of you. Because at the end of the day, you think you’re doing the right thing, the only thing that can be done. And it’s for love.”