Page 233 of Vexatious Queen

One at a time, I unbuttoned my shirt until it hung open. Ana’s eyes flashed with a hunger I’d craved to see again.

“Eddie, I should’ve said this before. It’s what I should’ve said first. It killed me to do this to you and Ren. I thought of you always. I was tempted to call you so many times. When my eyes closed, I dreamed that we were once more a happy family. It was the only thing that got me through,” she said, stepping closer, her eyes pleading with me to understand. “I did a lot of good while I was gone, but none of it is worth it if I have lost you and Ren. That is why I did all of this. To protect her, us. To finally be free. Losing you now…” Her bottom lip trembled. “Would be unbearable.”

“I want to call you a bitch. I want to throw you out of this house and tell you never to come back, because my heart cannot take any more of this. But to never see you again. Never hear your voice.”

I cupped her cheek and ran my thumb over skin that had been locked into my memory years ago, and yet the softness still surprised and warmed me.

“To never touch you…it would be like tearing my heart out and tossing it away, and I can’t do that either. I’m trapped by my limitless love for you, and I hate you for it.”

Ana was so close that I felt the brush of silk on my chest, sending shocks racing through my body. Her hand was cool as it slipped under the opening of my shirt and covered my heart.

“I deserve your hate. The pain my love has caused by not casting you away years ago is criminal. I was selfish in my love for you. I couldn’t let you go. I had to have you then. I have to have you now. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that has happened. And call me whatever names you want because I am all of it. I’m all of it and more because I’d do it again if it meant that I got to love you. If it meant that we got to have our incredible daughter. I’d do it, I’d endure it all again and again. You are worth every longing night, every bit of pain, every hardship. You’ve always been it for me.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks. Pain and yearning were written on her face. Love burned in her eyes as her body trembled under my touch.

“I can’t stop loving you,” I whispered.

“I never want to stop loving you and couldn’t even if I tried. There has never been anyone else since the day we met all those years ago. Not for a single second,” Ana said.

“It feels like another lifetime,” I said.

“It was. We were children. We thought we could do anything, survive anything. We have, but not without consequences that have scarred us, and our daughter, and…” Ana gulped in a breath of air. “For the first time, I’m at a complete loss as to what to do next. Please say you can find it in your heart to forgive me one last time. I know I have no right to ask, but I am. Because when it comes to you, I’ll always be selfish.”

Suffering and love swirled together in my chest. She was right, and I would choose it all over again as well. We both needed our heads examined, but my life was not complete without her.

“You have to promise me that you’ll never leave again. You have to promise me that, from now on, we decide everything together. No more running away, no more hiding, no more going rogue. I can’t live my life like this anymore. Too much time has been lost. We have all suffered, and I just can’t. If I say yes, and you break that trust—Ana, never darken my door again. I mean it, and if you truly love me, then you will do as I ask.”

“You have my word. You and Ren…this is all I’ve ever wanted, everything I’ve ever done was to make this a reality. I’m not going anywhere, even if you do kick me out right now. I’ll sleep outside the gate until you let me back in.”

My lips hovered over hers. I’d dreamed of her kiss for so many nights that some days it felt easier to stay asleep than to wake up and remember that it was all in my head.

“You swear to this,” I asked, my body shaking and my heart pounding for the first time in years.

“I will swear it tonight and every night for the rest of our lives,” Ana said. Her hand moved up my chest until her fingers rested over the jumping pulse in my neck. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” I whispered, my voice ragged.

“Impossible,” Ana said.

The moment our lips touched, the world stopped spinning, and it was just the two of us. Everything that was between us seemed insignificant as Ethan’s words once more played over in my head. I knew how broken he felt, and Ana and I had another chance to get it right.

That knowledge broke me. I couldn’t let it slip away. I just couldn’t.

The kiss was slow at first, like a prayer I’d waited years to say. Then it deepened. My hands slid to familiar places. Her body responded exactly how I remembered, as if no time had passed at all.

We kissed like we were making up for lost years. Like our love had somehow survived the wreckage of thousands of nights apart and demanded to be felt. I moved my hand down her back, pulling her closer until there was no space left between us. Ana’s fingers traced the lines of my shoulders.

We were living proof that life had been unkind and downright cruel, but it had not been victorious in trying to break us. We stood tall among the rubble.

“I dreamed of this,” I confessed against her mouth.

“So did I,” Ana breathed. “Dear god, I have missed you more than I have missed air to breathe.”

I poured every ounce of emotion I felt into our connection. Our lips parted only long enough for me to kiss a line along her jaw, her throat, every place I’d memorized long ago.

Ana moaned, her fingers gripping my shirt as she arched into me. I gave the knot at her waist a tug, and the silk parted. My breath shuddered as my hands touched her skin. My body told me she was here, but my mind was convinced that I was stuck in some sort of torturous loop that would never end. Sliding my hands down to grip her hips, I needed to know that she wasn’t a mirage that would disappear come morning.

“God, how I’ve yearned for you,” I said. “This doesn’t feel real.”