Page 11 of Vexatious Queen

Myles pulled out his phone and stepped away, but I tried again to get Blake’s attention. I ran my hands up and down his as panic set in.

“Come on, Blake, look at me.”

“She’s gone,” he said, barely loud enough to hear over the wind. He slowly lifted his head. Tears had frozen to his cheeks and eyelashes. “She’s gone, and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he broke down in a sob. I grabbed Blake and held him tight.

“I know. I’m so sorry.” He clung to me, burying his face against my chest as I held him tight.

“It’s not fair,” he cried.

“I know,” I mumbled, as I tried to hold it together.

“I’m so sorry…I’m sorry I said all that stuff to you,” he said.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

He pulled away and sat up straight, staring into my eyes.

“No. None of this is okay. Nothing will ever make this okay. None of the shit that has happened.” He cupped my cheeks. “I thought killing Lawrence would make it better, that with him gone…but…it doesn’t. My heart hurts every second of the day.”

I gripped his hands, linking our fingers together. I could feel him trembling. This type of pain I understood, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone someone I loved.

Movement caught my attention as Theo, Liam, and Nash rounded the corner and ran toward us. When Theo got close, I let go of Blake and covered my mouth as they embraced. Theo pulled him off the table and stood there like they were the only thing keeping each other upright. The sound of their pain tore me in two.

Nash walked over and handed me the spare jacket he was holding.

“Thanks.”

He didn’t say anything, just pulled me into his body and let me cry. Trying to be strong for Blake and Theo was something I really wanted to be, but it was so difficult to see through my own loss. My mum, Neil, my aunt Nadia, and now Ella…it was a pain that never fully went away.

“We should get ya inside,” Myles said, putting his hands on their shoulders.

We were quiet as we made our way back to the dorm. There were a few questioning stares, but no one said anything as we trudged through the foyer like a funeral procession.

When we reached their room, Theo opened the door but stopped us before we could follow.

“Can you give me a few hours alone with him?” Theo whispered.

I looked into Blake’s eyes, and he nodded.

“If you need anything…I’m here.”

He nodded again. “I know,” he said. His voice was so sad that my heart ached with each beat.

As much as I didn’t want to leave Blake, I stepped back, and Theo quietly closed the door on us.

“I hate this so much,” I said, glancing up at Nash. “All of it, for everyone.”

“I get it. I keep wondering how different things would have been if I’d killed Lawrence sooner.”

Shaking his head, Nash turned to walk away, but Liam stepped in front of him.

“No, you can’t do that. We’ve all seen what you’ve been through and how it wasn’t as simple as it sounds. Beating yourself up now for something you can’t go back in time to change leads down a dark path.” He gripped Nash’s shoulder. “You need to stay in the now, for all of us.”

“That’s easier said than done,” Nash said.

“Liam’s right. No one blames you for what happened,” I added.