Page 42 of Queen’s Gambit

My anger was all-consuming. I stood up and marched across the room before spinning back to face Eddie. I detested this feeling. Forced to make these kinds of decisions because of my father and this stupid world we were born to rule. And for once, I hated that Eddie was so noble.

“Of course our child would still be conceived in love, we love one another, don’t we? I don’t understand how can you say that making a move to ensure we are together isn’t a good reason?”

My dress flowed out behind me like I was running as I stomped around my room. I wanted to run. I wanted to run from this life and the cage I’d occupied since the day of my birth.

“Eddie…if I don’t have you, then I may as well not have a life at all.”

He stood in my way, and I wanted to hit him and tell him just to take me already—make me his.

“You don’t mean that you could never do such a thing. With or without me, you are a force in this world, Ana.”

Tears poured down my cheeks and quickly turned into sobs as he wrapped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. I gripped the front of his shirt, desperate to hold onto him. It might have just been my fear taking over, but I had a horrible feeling my father would never let us be together. He was determined to control me and, for some reason, hated to see me happy.

“Shh, Ana, I’ll never let you go. Not ever.”

“I don’t want to hope that he does the right thing. I want to know that this is a done deal.”

Eddie tipped my head up, and maybe it was a flash of the future or just a deep-rooted knowledge, but I saw him as a Don of Dons. He had what it took to lead and lead well. He would accomplish everything he said he would. So why didn’t I feel hopeful that I’d be part of that life? Of his life?

“I’ll approach your father right after I graduate. He can tell me what he wants.”

“You think that will work?”

He nibbled his lip. “I won’t lie to you, Ana. It’s a gamble, like anything else. He could easily say no and that’s that. But I have a feeling he’ll entertain my proposal if I can prove that I’ll be a valuable asset to him, your family, and his entire organization. Like you said, he cares about his business first, and that works to our benefit.”

“What if he has someone else in mind?”

“Then I’ll offer double whatever the other person offers. Ana, I love you, and there is nothing that I won’t do for you. I want a family with you, but running headfirst into this decision feels wrong. We can’t start our life with fear, and my gut tells me that we need to approach your father from a place of respect and power. For all we know he will still force us apart and put you and our baby somewhere that I’d never see you again.”

I buried my head in Eddie’s chest as his hands comfortingly rubbed my back. There was a weight on my chest making it hard to breathe. No matter how hard I tried to shake the feeling, it felt like I wore a locked collar around my neck. A collar that only my father held the key to my freedom.

“I’m in no position to storm Russia and wage a war with the entire Mikhailov family to get you back. Please don’t doubt that I’d do it and happily die trying, but what I really want is for us to avoid all of that. I’d rather make a deal that he’s happy with so we are able to live our lives free of the fear and bloodshed.”

I looked up at him and knew deep down that he was right about all of it and yet part of me wanted to be selfish and take the plan regardless. Terror clawed at the back of my mind and was pushing me to be irrational.

“Then why even bring this to me if you won’t entertain it? I want this.”

Eddie’s eyes softened, and the warmth in them made me want to start crying all over again.

“Because, Ana, I respect your input. This is our life, as in the two of us together. That means we are a partnership and it’s your decision as much as it is mine. If you really want this and feel it is the only way, then I’ll do it, but it’s not what I want. Part of us discussing any topic is knowing where each of us stands.”

Even when he wasn’t trying to be charming, Eddie said the most perfect words. I’d been nothing but a pawn my entire life, but Eddie wanted to make me a queen. But, that also meant the position came with hard decisions. This felt like a fork in the road and I was staring down the long endless walkway in either direction and didn’t know which way to turn.

Closing my eyes, I took a slow breath and tamped down the panic brewing inside of me.

“You’re right. I need to be stronger so we can present a united front. I’m trying to ignore the terror that lives in my chest and the worms of fear eating at my brain like a disease, but Eddie…it’s so difficult. When I picture a life without you…it’s bleak and dark.”

His smile could warm me on the coldest of days, and right on cue, my body heated as he cupped my cheeks and smiled, showing off his sexy dimple.

“Then let me be the port in your storm because I would weather anything this world has to offer to be by your side.”

Eddie made me feel completely unhinged, and yet he was the glue that kept me from shattering into a million little pieces. Before I could start crying again, he kissed me. There was no way to tell who was wilder as our hands roamed over each other’s bodies.

He growled, breaking the kiss and sending a shiver racing down my spine.

“Never doubt how much I want you, Ana. It’s taking every ounce of self-control I have in my body to keep from ripping your dress off and claiming you.”

He kissed me again, and I could feel his desperation as our lips moved and he explored my mouth with his tongue.