Page 31 of Burn Me Down

“I don’t need your pity.”

I tried to step away from Beck again, but she made a little sound in her chest like she was growling at me and kept her fists tight on my shirt. That one sound made my body burn as hot as any fire I’d ever lit, and everything below my belt wanted to drag her into the back of the truck.

This was not the reaction I expected from her. I didn’t have a clue what to do with her now. In my mind, I saw Beck grabbing her bag and running to the emergency phone.

“I don’t pity you.”

“Then what is this? Some morbid fascination?” I grabbed her wrists and tugged on them to try and get her to let me go before I broke. The crumbling of my resolve wasn’t a good sign, and she had all the power to reach in and crush my heart for good. She refused to let go, and in a desperate maneuver, I pulled my shirt off over my head and left it in her hands.

“You need to stop,” Beck said as she grabbed my arm. Her two hands didn’t even wrap around my forearm, but she was hanging on so tight that I didn’t want to hurt her by forcing her to let go. She was completely fearless, and that pissed me off because it terrified the fuck out of me. “Stop running and talk to me.”

She stepped into my personal space, and I groaned as my cock needed no more encouragement and thickened.

“Beck, stop it. I’m dangerous, you should take your stuff and go. My brother had me locked up for a reason.”

“No, you stop. To start, I don’t have sycophantic tendencies. You must know that if you’ve been watching me. I have zero interest in ever trying to control you or take advantage of you, and I have firsthand knowledge as to why Asher had you arrested. You’re not telling me anything I don’t know.”

“Then what is this? I don’t understand what the fuck is happening here.”

“Is it so hard to believe someone would want to get to know you?”

It was actually. Beck’s words were fucking with my head. She laid her hands on my chest, and I was sure she could feel my heart beating like a drum under her fingers. A part of me wanted to push her away, jump in the truck, and drive off. But there was a sliver of hope slicing through all the suffering I’d endured, and I wanted to follow it like a beacon. I watched her closely as she traced the raised edges of the scars that marred my body with her finger. Her eyes darkened like she was the one with murderous tendencies.

“Who did this to you?”

“Does it matter? It happened a long time ago.”

She lifted a single delicate eyebrow at me, and it held more power than all the men at the hospital with their fists. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pressed myself back into the truck as hard as I could, but Beck just followed.

“Fine, it was my father. Happy now?”

“I could never be happy about any of this. He made all of these scars?” Her fingers traced the long, thin lines where a knife had cut me, the round scars of cigarette burns, and others I couldn’t remember. After my escape, I had gotten most of it tattooed over with dark designs that covered my arms and filled the front of my chest to hide the ugly story of my past. Yet, her fingers gently touched each one, feeling like a stab to my heart.

“Some are from the hospital, but for the most part, yes.”

Her hands were warm, and her eyes gentle as they traveled down my arms. I had to look away as emotion gripped me by the throat. I closed my eyes as she slowly ran her hand up my chest until she touched my neck, where the skin was discolored from the barn fire. Pieces of the roof had landed on me before I made my escape. Just another scar added to the rest.

“Please stop looking at me like that,” I said, and once more tried to evade her touch, but she was relentless and followed me step after step.

“How am I looking at you?”

Glancing down into her eyes, I wanted to drown in their kindness, but I couldn’t take another rejection. There would be no going back once I opened up to her, and she made me want to trust her. She made me want to lay my sins at her feet for judgment and beg for forgiveness.

“I can’t do this. You need to go,” I growled and pointed to the emergency phone, but instead, Beck pushed my mind right off the edge of sanity as she wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head over my heart. I kept my arms out, not touching her even though I wanted to hold her and never let go. The world ceased to be. All I could see, hear, and feel was her.

“What is wrong with you?” I was on the verge of hyperventilating. She looked up at me, and the last of my resolve broke down like she was dismantling the stones one by one.

“What do you mean?”

“Beck, look around you. I kidnapped you. I was planning on using you to hurt your best friend, and by hurting your friend, it would hurt my brother. You were a pawn. I’m not a good person.”

“I beg to differ.”

“You can’t argue with facts. I have killed dozens, no, hundreds of people, and I don’t care. They all deserved it, and I would do it again if given the chance. You should be screaming and running down the street, not hanging onto me like a freaking koala bear.” She released me, and I instantly wanted to grab her arms and put them back around my body.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of night. You said I smelled like smoke. That’s because I killed people tonight. Easily in the double digits, and they are nothing but numbers in my mind. They deserved it, and I did what I had to do. Your friend and my brother might even be investigating the fire as we speak.” I crossed my arms. “Now go. I’m a monster and should be locked up or put down, but I would rather go down in a hail of bullets than spend the rest of my life locked up again. So, please just go.”

“I know you’re right. I should be terrified. I’m also a nurse and help people and should care about all the people you’ve killed, but….”