Page 64 of Never Till Now

How do I respond to that? “I’m proud you didn’t choose the same path as her.”

“Did she choose that path or was she groomed into it at such a young age?” Lauren’s shoulders shrug and her half smile pangs my heart.

I stay quiet and let her thoughts process. An apology for something I have no control over will just make her mad.

“Adam.” Her green eyes scan my face. “You’ve been great with no pity, but an ‘I’m sorry you have all these unanswered questions.’ would be acceptable in this moment.” She climbs onto my lap resting her hands on my shoulders.

“Dammit, woman. I can never win with you, can I?” My fingers wiggle as I hold her hips, tickling her sides. That’s when I catch the two round scars under her arm. I’d always been too entranced with sex to pay attention to what the marks really are.

“Yeah.” She pauses and her eyes follow my discovery. “I don’t really remember the pain of that.”

“Do you remember how you got them?” I swallow, only seeing cigarette burns on a movie.

“I think I was throwing a fit around three or four years old and the foster person picked me up by the arm. I tried to go back down, and in his anger, he burned me into listening.” Her arm moves flush with her side to hide the marks. “Apparently I didn’t learn the first time, so it happened again.” She lets a light laugh escape, though nothing about this is funny.

It’s then our eyes lock. It’s then I want to kiss away every ounce of pain and trauma she’s gone through. It’s then she solidified how she has never asked anyone to love and cherish her strength. It’s then I know I want to be the only one to protect her at all costs. I know she’s taken hold of my heart.

I reach up and brush a loose strand of hair out of her face. Her heartbeat sounds loud through her slow, heavy breaths. The shift in our air isn’t from the cool breeze surrounding us.

My hands reach under her bum as I stand and carry her out of the hot tub. The heat inside comforts us with the fire burning in our eyes. Our lips still haven’t touched as I carry her up to a bedroom. Her arms stay locked around my neck as I lay her down on the duvet, pulling me to hover over her. I stare through her emeralds, looking for the answer I already know. She feels this too, but for the sake of keeping our arrangement, we can’t say the words out loud.

I place a kiss on her lips and make a trail down her collarbone to her breasts, purposely avoiding her shoulder. I push up her bikini triangle and flick my tongue over the hard nipple. My hands reach for her arms as I guide them above her head. I continue my trail of kisses near her two small scars. Her body tenses underneath mine so I let go of her arms, expecting her to push me away. Instead, her eyes glass over and her hand runs through my hair.

“Do it again.” Her voice cracks in a whisper. “Kiss away every scar you know my body never asked for.”

“Every?” I hover above, resting my forehead against hers.

I watch her mind run through what she’s told me in the past, but I’m a century ahead of what she’s expecting.

“Every, Adam. Your lips are my therapy.” Although I don’t feel qualified to heal her, I give it my all.

I kiss her deeply, pulling her lips to mine with a long, slow kiss. A whimper releases from her lips as vulnerable, trusting eyes meet mine. I slide down her body, catching her off guard. My lips meet the top of her foot. “You’ve stood strong your entire life, even when it tried to knock you down.” My lips ghost along her skin up to her knees. “For all the times you spent begging to be in another world.” I run my tongue up her thigh and stop before her entrance.

Her thighs automatically open. “The strength it took to keep quiet when these were forced open against your will.” I manage to keep my voice from wavering as a sting in my nose fights against my eyes watering. I continue to kiss up her hip. “This kiss is for every time you’ve needed someone to worship at your hips, hoping it will numb your past pain.” She inhales sharply as I watch her stomach clench.

My truths are more than she expected but everything I know she needs to hear. A line of kisses feather up her stomach. “For the times your stomach knew hunger over nutrition.” I kiss from her ribs to her scars. “The determination to keep your lungs breathing in times you wished they’d stop. For the child trying to understand and express her feelings.” I kiss the second scar. “For the child who acted out in need of a hug and stability instead of a burn.”

I hesitate over her shoulder, but she nods. “For every morning you woke to trauma.” I kiss her forehead, eyes, and cheeks. “Your integrity and drive to do good for the world is inspiring. To the child whose eyes saw more homes than one should. To your cheeks for holding a smile through threatening tears.”

I watch a single tear slide to her ear.

“This kiss is for your ears, never hearing how much a family loved you. How much they’d be there for you.” I swallow the thick lump in my throat, brushing my lips against hers. “For these lips that have gone a lifetime unable to tell someone ‘I love you.’ To the child who bit the stuffed animal leg to protect another child.”

Her lips purse together as a few more tears fall.

I move back down, hovering over her chest, placing a single kiss on her heart. “To the child that never had her heart feel overwhelmed with love and joy. For all the times you’ve never been able to open it up and feel what it’s truly like to be loved by a parent, a friend, a significant other.”

She wipes her cheeks and releases a shaky breath. “Lauren,” I continue. “I can’t tell you enough how much your strength amazes me. I am sorry your life has been that hard on you. I want you to know that anytime you need a reminder of how far you’ve come, I’m here for you.”

“You truly mean that,” she states without a question.

“You know I do.” Her hands pull my head down to connect our lips.

Everything is slow. I follow her lead as she places her hands on my chest and pushes us up. Her fingers pull the string at the back of her neck, removing her top and my hands pull the two strings at her hips. She leans down to kiss me again and my hands trail down her spine. She’s still not close enough. Her legs straighten so she is flush against me. My cock grinds against her fold and she brings one leg up to the side. I arch my back, sliding my swim trunks down and feel her wet warmth glide against my length. Her eyes hold mine as she angles herself to the tip of my dick and slowly pushes herself deeper onto me.

Air abandons my lungs as she continues the gentle rhythm. I let her set the pace and take control over what she needs. My hands trail up and down her sides, relishing every thrust and breath. I don’t want this moment to end. I flip us over and bury my face in the crook of her neck, committing this moment to memory. Her skin is painted with goose bumps as my tongue traces over her ear and down her neck. Her breathing picks up as I quicken my hip pace. She’s close, but I want her orgasm to build slowly.

“Take your time, baby.” I grind my hips up for the next few strokes to hit her clit. “Let it keep building. I’m in no rush.” I pinch her nipples and slow my pace again, pulling out to the tip and driving back in.